Trans People Do Not Have An Obligation To Pass
There seems to be this idea among cisgender folk, and even within the LGBT+ community, that passing is mandatory. As if a trans woman must get as close as possible to being a cis woman, and likewise for trans men. But why should we be under so much pressure from others, or ourselves, to so completely become the sex that aligns with our gender?
What’s even worse, is there are people out there who will try to convince you that unless you can pass, there’s no point transitioning.
Let me be clear: that is bullshit.
Your transition is an experience unique to you.
A trans person can take their transition as far as they want and still present however they choose. They don’t even have to transition. Or they can transition socially but not medically. Or transition in style but not change their name or take hormones. They can still use whatever name, pronouns, and identification markers they desire.
If an individual is transitioning with the goal of passing, that’s totally fine. That is their choice and their right. That kind of decision shouldn’t be applied to all trans people, though. It’s damaging to the individual, harmful to the community, and creates an expectation for trans people that many of us can’t, or simply don’t want to live up to.
In the eye of the beholder
Another major societal problem that compounds this issue is the ridiculous standards of beauty that we’ve become accustomed to. We’re all familiar with the idea that if we aren’t “attractive enough” that we somehow hold less value within society.
When, as trans people, we hold ourselves to these impossible standards while also trying to pass as a different physical sex, it’s a recipe for disaster. It breeds intense anxiety, depression, and imposter syndrome if we aren’t naturally feminine or masculine enough to pass. It also makes us an easier target for transphobes. The fight against impossible beauty standards has made significant headway in recent years, and it’s something that I believe is vitally important to trans folk. We need to work hard to uplift each other and eschew the idea that trans people aren’t attractive enough when presenting as their true gender.
Trans sans passer
I think that, as a community, and as advocates, we should embrace the concept of trans sans passer. Okay, I just made that up and it’s probably bad French, but I’m rolling with it. It’s a thing now. This beautiful new phrase means transgender without passing, by design.
Trans sans passer (please don’t call me Gretchen) is this idea that as trans individuals, we can just be trans women and trans men, and be proud of the fact that we are transgender without shying away from that truth, without the anxiety of being clocked. After all, we’ve all overcome a lot to get where we are. We should be proud of how far we’ve come!
I’m sure I’m not the first person to think this way, but I think it needs to be a far more prevalent attitude. There is a lot of weight behind the idea of being able to pass, and the pressure of that weight on us keeps us down while empowering those who oppose our existence.
So, let’s collectively shed that weight and take that power away! Say it with me: We are not required to pass. We can be as trans as we damn well want, and we don’t owe anyone a damn thing.
That which doesn’t kill us…
I lived for decades as a man while building walls around my true self, yet I feel no shame about my past. Regret, yes, but not shame. I am not embarrassed to be trans, and no matter where this adventure takes me, I will never shy away from my transness.
I still don’t know where this road will take me, but even if I never pass for a woman, I will still take immense pride in being a woman, and more-so in being a transgender woman.
I will forever be a transgender woman. I will never be a cisgender woman. However, I embrace those differences. I have embarked on my own adventure, and I find strength in these experiences, strength that is unique to us, and can never be taken away from us.
Originally published at https://thetransadventure.com.
