Transgender: A Primer For Our Cis Friends — Part 1

Alright, let’s be honest, there’s a lot going on within the transgender umbrella. I’m sure it can seem confusing, weird, and maybe needlessly complicated.

Especially for our cis friends out there. Admittedly it can be quite the rabbit hole, but it’s actually not too bad. So, let me break it down for you!

Author’s note: This series is aimed primarily toward cis/cishet folk, with the intent of simplifying the transgender experience. However, this might also be handy for anyone who is trying to figure out their own gender tendencies!

Additionally, everything written here comes from my own experience and what I have observed in our community. Being trans is a unique experience to everyone, so not all of this will apply to everyone in our community.

The Transgender Umbrella

An important thing to remember is that transgender is an umbrella term and isn’t exactly specific to any single gender experience. The word means “different or beyond the gender one was assigned at birth”. This can mean non-binary, bi-gender, two-spirit, demi-gender, and more.

The word transgender is commonly used for those of us who are “transmasc” or “transfemme”, which basically means our gender is opposite the one we were assigned at birth. This is often where we find people who transition.

We’ll look at those specific gender identities in more detail later, but when people say gender is a spectrum, this is why! There is a broad range of different ways a person can feel about their own gender.

What’s The Deal With “Cisgender” or “Cis”?

Cis is just the opposite of trans. It’s really that simple! It’s not an insult or an attempt to label people who aren’t trans. The “trans” prefix can be translated literally to “On the other side”, and the “cis” prefix can be translated literally to “On this side”. Oh, and these are Latin terms that originated in ancient Rome. They aren’t new words by any stretch!

Why Are There So Many Genders? Why Are There So Many Flags Now?

As I mentioned before, gender is a spectrum, which means it’s highly nuanced with a lot of specific areas. There’s a great deal of variation between individuals, and it’s important for these individuals to express themselves more specifically. This is why the list of gender experiences keeps growing. I say “gender experiences” where a lot of people say “gender identities”, however, I don’t like the term “identity”, but I’ll come back to that.

I’ll be totally honest here. I do not get a lot of the more “niche” gender labels. There’s bi-gender and demi-gender, but try as I might, they sound like the exact same thing to me. There also genders that incorporate things that aren’t related to gender, like “genderwitch”. I’m not here to tell these people that how they express themselves is wrong, but last I checked, “Witch” is an occupation, or these days, a hobby.

And of course, every specific gender needs a specific flag to fly so people of these genders can express themselves symbolically. I like the trans flag and I use the trans colours on my personal website, but the Pride flag is meant to be inclusive of everyone who isn’t cis/het, so that, and the Progress flag, are good enough for me. I don’t feel a need to fly the trans flag.

This increasing specificity, in my opinion, makes the entire concept of gender far too complicated and difficult to navigate for cis folk and anyone exploring their gender. I also believe this further solidifies the barrier between trans people and the rest of the world. I think it muddies the waters, and while I haven’t observed this, I can’t help but wonder if it has, or will, lead to tribalism even within the queer and trans communities.

So, if you’re baffled or maybe even frustrated by the overwhelming number of gender experiences, flags, and symbols…well, I feel you! I don’t believe anyone in these “niches” (for lack of a better term) is invalid, or somehow representing incorrectly, but I definitely understand how difficult it is to navigate all of this. When I started my own journey, I was overwhelmed and frustrated in my quest for understanding myself and where I fit in to all of this.

Oh, that thing about not liking the term “gender identity”? My gender is one of the lenses through which I experience life. I identify with things like metal music, and Dungeons and Dragons. Being trans is not part of my personality.

Rather, it is a fundamental, inescapable part of who I am. It’s not a hobby, and it’s certainly not a choice. Nobody in their right mind would choose to be subjected to ridicule, hatred, and fearmongering.

How Do We Know We’re Trans?

Knowing that one is trans can be difficult to put into words, and it can be different for everyone. Trans people tend to have a dissonance within themselves. We don’t have any sort of natural harmony between our mind (gender) and our body (physical sex).

In contrast, from what I can tell, cisgender folk don’t really even have to think about their gender. They just are men or women and there are no discordant thoughts surrounding that part of themselves.

Many people just know that they are supposed to be something else. Personally, I’ve known from about 4 or 5 years old that I wasn’t supposed to be a boy. Being a boy never made sense to me. It didn’t feel natural. I would see girls’ clothes and know that I should be wearing that sort of thing rather than the boys’ clothes that were foisted upon me, as one example.

For other people, it might not be that obvious. Perhaps the internal clues aren’t as pronounced, or it could be that they’ve done a very good job hiding away those feelings as a matter of survival (a phase I didn’t start in but entered later in childhood).

Unfortunately, that can sometimes trigger an attempt at a “gotcha!” moment with cisgender people when someone comes out as trans, especially the parents of a trans individual. Claims are made along the lines of “You didn’t show any signs!” as if that somehow proves that the person is not trans.

That couldn’t be further from the truth, though. I forged a persona so convincing that for a long time, I hid my transness from myself. I convinced myself that the way I felt was wrong, and that I would get in trouble for feeling that way. I began writing those feelings off as just being weird or lonely. All that does, however, is create significant mental health issues.

Possibly the biggest indicator that a person is trans is gender dysphoria, though not every trans person will experience this. Psychiatry.org defines gender dysphoria as “clinically significant distress or impairment related to a strong desire to be of another gender, which may include desire to change primary and/or secondary sex characteristic.”

Now, the wording here is a little inaccurate. It says “desire to be of another gender” but I think it would be better to say they experience a strong desire to align their natal sex with their gender. Natal sex just refers to the primary sex characteristics a person was born with.

As a trans woman who was assigned male at birth due to my body, my dysphoria is not related to a desire to be of the female gender. My gender already is female. Rather, I want to change my (natal) primary & secondary sex characteristics so that my body aligns with my gender.

When a person begins exploring their gender (they are affectionately called ‘eggs’), they may find that experiences typical of the opposite sex cause feelings of gender euphoria, which of course is the opposite of gender dysphoria. While wearing boy’s or men’s clothing has been a very uncomfortable experience my entire life, wearing women’s clothing always feels perfectly natural and comfortable. I feel right, and it is indeed euphoric.

The Incongruity Between Mind and Body

I had mentioned a discordance earlier, a lack of natural harmony between our minds and our bodies. This incongruity is, in my opinion, what makes us transgender. It’s the easiest way to define why we’re trans. However, that’s not necessarily what being trans means to us. It’s a little different for everyone.

This incongruity is ultimate causality. Without it, there wouldn’t be a driving factor that causes gender dysphoria and other typical experiences that characterize being trans. But as individuals, we are far more than just our dissonance, and the trans experience is much deeper than just this.

The reason people transition, whether is socially, medically, or both, is to correct this disconnect. By undergoing hormone therapy or affirming surgeries, we can align our bodies with our minds and drastically reduce the incongruity.

Not all possible procedures appeal to everyone, and the efficacy of a given procedure will vary from person to person. But generally, the goal is to find that harmony between gender and physical sex characteristics.

For some trans folk, that incongruity can be corrected just by adopting a style that’s feminine/masculine/androgynous. For others, it takes a lot more! Now we’re talking about transitioning. That’s an entire article on its own, so we’ll dive into that next time!

Along with transition, I want to discuss things like what “passing” means and whether it’s important. I also need to talk about the “trans boogeyman” and the “nature argument”. I plan on 2, maybe 3, parts to this series. I hope you’ll come back for them!

Originally published at https://thetransadventure.com.