I was laid off…… now what?

No. Really. Now what?

Last week my position was eliminated (along with a number of others) at a start-up that I had been with for just over 3 years. In the grand scheme of things- 3 years is not that long. Hell, I have a longer standing relationship with my cell phone carrier. But those years were a fair chunk of my early 30s.

I gave a lot to the company I worked for. I am a bit of a workaholic so was typically putting in anywhere from 10–12 hours a day. I “drank the Kool-Aid”. At every chance I got I would champion the company mission and the people I worked with. I was a cheerleader. I was their cheerleader. Then one morning last week, in a matter of minutes, my time with them ended.

I can’t say I didn’t see something coming. I am in People Operations and had seen this before. I recognized the change in the flutter of the executives in the office. I told my husband that something was up and I may need to start looking for new opportunities. I even joked that if I “was lucky” I would be a part of a RIF and get paid to look for new work.

I figured I’d either get laid off and have a bit of paid time to start a new chapter, or I’d be “saved” and have to make a choice. To stay and support the recovery from whatever was coming down the pipe for the company or cut my losses and look for new opportunities. When my boss called me into her office I knew before she spoke that it was the former.

She was gracious and apologetic for the situation. There were organizational changes required and her team was disproportionately large given the size of the company. I smiled and said I understood and I wished her and the company the best of luck. And it was true — I did wish them the very best. It sucks going through a layoff- for everyone. We had already sustained one at the company in the summer of 2016 and bouncing back was a long/ hard road. Given that the alternative to being laid off would be going through that experience again- I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that felt a little relief to have a clean break. So I when I said I wished the company the best of luck- I meant it.

I was given the choice to leave or finish out the day. I quietly wrapped a few things up at my desk and left during the All Hands that was called to go through the recent changes. It was a sad day. People were crying in the bathroom stalls- there was a quiet tension in the air. But as I left I was oddly calm.

I think if I hadn’t been through similar situations before or hadn’t seen something like this coming, I may have had a different reaction. I am pretty sure it is natural to assume that if someone loses their job they have a bit of an internal meltdown.

But a week later I’m not melting down, at least not yet that is. I am not bitter or mad at the company for letting me go- that happens. It stinks but it is part of business.

I have, however, started to really ask myself- now what? I know the motions and steps needed for my job search; my question doesn’t come from a fear of the unknown. I’m blessed to know some great people professionally who have all reached out to offer support in the form of introductions or written recommendations. My resume and LinkedIn have been updated. I turned on the bat signal to recruiters to let them know I’m “open to new opportunities”. I have applied to a couple of places — have a few informational coffees set up. I’m ready to rock n’ roll.

I am asking “now what” because I am excited. I found my last job on a fluke — answering an ad on Craig’s List of all places. I had low expectations when I started but fell in love with the people and the company. I would have never guessed I would have been as lucky as I was over the past few years. But with this layoff for the first time in a long time, I find myself daydreaming about my future and, to be honest, I’ve missed it.

I am not so naïve as to think that my search won’t be potentially hard and lonely. As I said I have been here before. Finding a new job can be overwhelming.

But with every time I have been in this situation I have always had a chance to grow and learn something new. When I ask myself “now what?” it is with more of a fascination than anything else. I have lived in Chicago for over a decade. I have worked in tourism, hospitality, arts, nonprofits, and technology. My life is nothing like I imagined and I have loved every moment of it. Ok- I’m not actually that saccharine. (Although I am very happy- life can be, has been, and will be a bitch- not a lot to be done about that) But I do have a chance for a new chapter right now and I am scrappy enough to get though the bullshit I’ll naturally encounter on the path to wherever I wind up.

So for now I’ll take some time to read books sitting by my bed that I haven’t had the time and/or energy to look at. I will continue the repairs and the remodel that were started on my home before last week’s notice. I will try my hand at writing a bit. Start cooking again. Pretend that I will exercise but wind up watching Netflix and taking a nap. And continue to daydream and ponder ….now what?