Why I feel the need to constantly create

While I’m sitting here, staring at my computer screen, I feel the need to scratch my skin off, rip my heart out and put it on the table in front of me. The jazz christmasy old-school music I was listening to will not do it anymore, I need something more aggressive. I am suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

My previous article was about how art saved my life, I suppose this could be a 2nd part in which I approach the subject of ‘I need to create to not lose my mind’. Some of you, who have known me for a while, might say: ‘But, Alex, you’re already nuts.’, which is a very true statement, but, my dear boys and girls, there’s no nuts like the nuts suffering from artistic withdrawal. I have work to do lined for me today until 00:30, so one could think I have no time to spare, because I would like to get on with it. While very true, I did feel that if I do not do something that involves 0.1% creativity I might as well blow my brains out because fuck this shit!

I know it sounds super aggressive, so I will try to explain it to you in a less ‘kill me nao’ voice. It’s pretty much the same principle as in ‘How art saved my life’: the world and its difficulties are too much for any of us to handle and shit piles up and it keeps on piling up and everyone finds a way to cope with it because, well, survival 101. Some people find smoking, some find alcohol, some find sports, blah blah. I have embraced my inner creative little demon (maybe I should name him/her, anyone with cool name suggestions, let me know!) and we have been wreaking havoc for a few years now with my photos and my writing. Now, while lately I have done a bunch of concert photo editing which it was sort of like feeding bits and pieces to said little demon, I haven’t done a proper, you know, sit your ass down for a few hours, get immersed, pour your soul out editing in like 2 months due to deadlines both at my exchange uni and the uni back in the Netherlands (perks of being in the final year).

My little demon is starving (okay, see, we really need a name, it would make this whole thing sound so much better) and if I keep throwing scraps, he/she might get even more pissed off than at the moment, and actually manage to get out. Creating leaves me drained but emotionally happy. I could maybe compare it to sports but for the soul. It’s a long intensive process, leaving me with a product that when presented to the world is the equivalent of me saying ‘This is a piece of my heart, I hope you like it’.

Writing this already made me feel better..