Asking for a Lazarus Moment

Ali Angco
Ali Angco
Nov 1 · 3 min read

My dad finished a novena to St. Martha a few days before I reached a valley in my life. I had been desperate for any help to fix my life or to undo the circumstances that I was living in. I googled the novena that worked for my father and began to look for a candle.

The Nine Weeks

St. Martha’s novena asks you to light a candle every Tuesday for 9 consecutive weeks. I ran to our cabinet, took a tealight candle, and placed it on my Mama Mary candle holder. I lit that candle for 9 Tuesdays asking for a miracle — asking for my Lazarus moment.

If you’re unfamiliar with the story of Lazarus and his sisters, Martha and Mary, here’s the quick version: Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. Imagine the thrill, the shock, and the joy that his sisters felt. I, too, wanted a Lazarus moment.

So every Tuesday morning, I would kneel in front of the candle and whisper the prayer. I would ask St. Martha to have me experience a moment just like hers with her family.

But nothing happened. Being somewhat of a pessimist, I knew that the chance of something happening were slim. He never got raised from the dead. No Lazarus moment for Ali.

I got up, thanked St. Martha for trying. I knew that at the end of the day, it was up to God. Soon after, I began to navigate between the waters of having too much hope in God vs. having no hope at all. “Stop trying Ali, don’t be so hopeful,” I said bitterly.

Nine Weeks After

I shared this with my friends. I also shared it with two women from the Sisters of Life. I explained to them that I was torn between these two paths. “I know I’m supposed to be patient with what’s happening,” I said to them while rolling my eyes. “But I guess I’m not really sure what attitude I’m supposed to have. I’m tired of being let down.”

The sisters nodded as they held their mug of coffee in their hands. “What a beautiful story that God is asking you to reflect on!” She smiled at me and I thought, “Okay, I think this is the moment when sister will drop wisdom on me.”

She looked at her mug and with a huge smile she said, “the story of Martha, Mary, and Lazarus is a powerful one. Maybe you need to reflect on who you are in the story. Are you Martha or Mary?” I immediately thought Martha since I’m not afraid to go up to God and be straight up with Him.

“Or are you Lazarus?”

Lazarus? Me? As Lazarus?

I am Lazarus

I asked God to raise up someone I loved “from the dead”. I asked St. Martha for help too. But it turns out, I’m Lazarus. My heart died and was buried too. Disappointed, angry, sad, and afraid, I was Lazarus — the one who was placed in a tomb. I didn’t even realize it.

But today, I realized that God did give me my Lazarus moment. St. Martha did pray for me. I don’t know how I got here but I rose from the dead. Although my knees will shake sometimes when my emotions and fears get in the way, but I am here. I get up every day with a chance to smile and love those around me.

Alive and 25, I am here.

Thank you St. Martha

On this All Saints Day, I hope you turn to your old and/or current saint friends and say thank you. If you’ve never had a saint friend, today’s a beautiful day to start. And of course, if you’d like some help or if you have any questions, reach out to me!

I’m praying for you.

Ali Angco

Written by

Ali Angco

UX Architect in Toronto who can't shut up about dogs, podcasts, and Beyoncé.

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