Why Now?

If you want something you’ve never had…. you have to do something you’ve never done –Anonymous

Since I can remember people have always asked me what I wanted do when I grow up. Am I going to college? Starting a family? What is my life plan? Honestly, for the longest time my answer was I don’t know. But I did know one thing, people have always said I was beautiful and should be a model.

My mom calls it “The Alex Affect” and says that it’s been going on since the day I was born. She says that when I was a baby so many people used to stop her to admire me that she literally had to add an extra hour to her trips whenever she left the house to run errands with me. And it didn’t stop there. Complete strangers who have only seen or met me one time remember who I am and ask my mom about me and how I’m doing.

You’d think with the constant encouragement I’d be on a runway somewhere. Traveling the world and talking about how much I miss doughnuts. But I never believed I was anything other than average. Until one day I picked up a JCrew magazine. Flipping thru the pages I had found it…The one thing I wanted to do in life. I thought to myself, “I could do this.” The girls reminded me of myself. The photos were colorful, the clothes were beautiful and the models looked classy and cool. From that day on I knew I wanted to be a JCrew model.

Life, however, has a funny way of throwing a monkey wrench in even our best laid plans. After graduating from high school I became pregnant with my first child. A couple years later I had my second daughter and, just recently, my third (and last) baby girl. One day, as I was organizing my things after another day of diapers, dishes, and dreadful tantrums I found my vision board lying about. I found myself opening it and decided to reminisce on all my goals and dreams. They seemed so unattainable as I yelled down to my five and two year old to stop yelling ironically. So, I put my vision board away and went to sleep. Believing my time for hopes and dreams had already passed.

Sometime later my mom decided to have a talk with me. She was convinced that I wasn’t fulfilling my purpose and encouraged me to take a look at my life and follow my dreams. I tried to reassure her I was fine and that it was too late and I was too old for dreams but my mom wouldn’t hear a word of negativity. She said “People have always wanted to see you Alex since you were a baby. You can’t take an ugly picture. Give the people what they want. Go for your dream. If it doesn’t work at least you know you tried.”

I thought about it and now I’m here. I’m taking the first step in my journey to become a JCrew model. (Fingers crossed!) I’ll achieve my dream.