Theories in the Time of Tinder

Or, what 4 days on the app made me realize about life

“What’s a Tinder?” I asked my newly minted college sophomore sister. “It’s like where you create this profile and swipe left and right and get matches and talk to people. And sometimes they ask you crazy things,” she says.

Sure, why not. I’m up for some “craziness” in my otherwise mundane life. So I created a profile, connected it with my Facebook and started swiping. Mostly left. But a couple times right, because “you have to swipe right for anyone with a puppy,” my sister the Tinder expert says. Pretty soon the matches (It’s a match, says the little iPhone screen!), and therefore the messages, started pouring in. Notable comments and my thoughts:

“Sup girl?” Did we regress back to fifth grade?
“Hey bae you lookin fine.” What’s a bae?
“Just wanted to tell you that I think you’re really pretty.” Aww, that’s really nice of him.
“Tell me about you.” What exactly do you want to know?
“You down to get down?” No.
Hey, just wondering how your day is going. I hope it’s awesome!” Cool. I hope yours is great, too!

These are real messages from real people. Kind of scary, kind of…enlightening.

After only 4 days, I have developed some theories from the app that can apply to real life (because no, I don’t think Tinder is real life).

You have a finite amount of time to make an impression. You know what they say about first impressions? They’re important. On Tinder, you have a few words and a couple of pictures to make someone swipe right. In life, when you meet someone, saying the wrong thing, looking a certain way or giving off a “vibe” can kill your first impression. I liken this to a job interview: if you come off as a know it all, a jerk, or just really poorly, they’re probably not going to hire you. Cliche, but always put your best foot forward. It’s the difference between a right and left swipe on Tinder, and maybe the difference between a job or not in real life.
Kindness is everything. Did I respond to the guy who told me I looked pretty or the guy who asked how my day was? You bet. To the guys who were looking to hook up, called me bae (still not clear on what a bae is…) or other strange requests, no. In life, it is important to be kind. Someone once said that everyone is fighting a battle and it’s best to be kinder than necessary. As I move through life, I am learning this to be the case. If you are kind, it will get you a lot further than if you are always walking around with a chip on your shoulder, thinking the world owes you something. The world does not owe you or I or anyone else anything, and the sooner each of us learns that, the happier we will be.
People are people. Seems obvious, right? At the end of the day, no matter what we do, people still have the ability to make us feel really good and really bad. Regardless of career, color, orientation, religion, societal standing…we all hurt the same, we all bleed the same, we all have emotions, even if some show it more than others. At the end of the day, people want to feel loved, they want to belong, they want to be part of something.

These three things seem strange to learn from an app where people apparently go to hook up, but they are actually applicable to real life (coming to that realization was a strange thing in itself…). Tinder isn’t real life, but being kind, making a good first impression and realizing that we are all people are lessons that everyone can learn from, regardless of whether they swipe left, swipe right, or don’t swipe at all.