I don’t doubt that some, maybe most, of the men who use the neg in their Tinder profiles do so as a cautionary mechanism to protect themselves from re-traumatization. It’s likely that Brian from Minnesota was discarded or misled by someone he really cared about, that Amit from Deerfield embarrassed himself by introducing a close-minded woman to his group of friends, that Shawn from London engaged with a woman who shamed him for his identification with feminism.
Tinder is Obsessed with Trump
Rachel Inberg

I don’t think these men are behaving the way they are because of any genuine ‘feminist’ beliefs. They are, in my view, far more likely to be immature men, who do not know what they believe, who are simply trying to appear agreeable to women online so they can get laid.

Hear me out on this for a second…

I have seen countless profiles of women which talk about feminism, social justice, and of course Trump — and generally do so in a *far* less diplomatic tone than the one you strike, quite respectably, in your post here.

As a result, these men, often out of desperation, try to pre-qualify themselves in the eyes of these women so as to maximize their chances at getting just far enough for a chance at sex. This sort of quasi-deception is evidenced by the fact their behavior in person, as you laid out, falls very short of what they half-promise in their bio. And it explains the weird hybrid you’ve experienced that mixes PUA tactics with bold self-declarations that they identify with an ideology that doesn’t think too highly of the neg.

My larger point here would be that the post-traumatic guarding phenomenon you described in this post with a few ‘male feminists’ is actually more widely observed when looking at women who identify as feminists, of whom there are many more both in number and proportionally, using dating apps online. Men, being less emotional and more sex-driven, are likely the reactive party in this dynamic, simply trying to adapt and find a way to get sex.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that men are off the hook — far from it in fact. Our deception in pursuit of sex, along with a frequent absence of values and principles, likely produces more women who resent men, and the cycle repeats.

It’s likely we don’t agree on a whole lot, politically or culturally, so let me close by saying I really respect your willingness to be honest about your personal experiences and how they tie into the larger, perhaps darker view of what’s happening with dating culture.

One thing I’m sure we’re in total agreement on is, as you put it, “the baseline degradation of the heterosexual dating game.”

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