Gentrifiqué, A Fragrance

Cool. Crisp. Caucasion. That’s the smell of Grentrifiqué, a new frangrance from Calvin Klein.

Picture a community of mostly brown people. Now picture the same community with a Starbucks on every corner. Can you smell the skinny vanilla lattés? No, you can smell Gentrifiqué.

Oh hey, there’s a Whole Foods going up and they’re building a record store on the roof. Is that a food drive on the ground floor? No, it’s a parking garage. And the undeniable whiff of Grentrifiqué.

Look, white people are here. They’re coming out of the bushes and the storm drains. Hybrids are leaving them on corners, and driving away as fast as they can. Now the white people are making steam punk art out of dilapitated bus shelters and burying used needles under their heirloom tomato plants. Breathe it in.

Gentrifiqué.

Look, now there’s a white girl in the YMCA sauna. Is that diversity or what? No, it’s…

Gentrifiqué.

The city just pledged three million dollars to clean up the canals!?

Gentrifiqué.

Hey, what’s all the buzz about longtime residents leaving? Did you guys hear about the canals?

Gentrifiqué.

This Spring, don’t just show up. Let them smell you coming.

Gentrifiqué, an original, artisanal, all-natural fragrance from Calvin Klein.