Donald Trump: Our First Beagle Boy Candidate
At long last, after the delegates have been counted and the votes have been turned in, and it becomes clear that Donald Trump, will be the GOP Candidate and the first official Beagle Boy candidate for the presidency of the United States of America.
It’s been a hell of a rise for the human Beagle Boy that is Donald Trump, going from Beagle Boyish business magnate to Beagle Boyish reality show host to Beagle Boyish presidential candidate. One would think being in and out of prison while trying to steal Scrooge McDuck’s fortune in the Duck Tales universe would be an unlikely choice for the presidency, but no one’s laughing now as Donald Trump has sealed the presidential bid and is racing towards the White House!
It’s true his campaign has seen some bumps as of late, what with the firing of Lewandowski and the dip in the polls, but Trump is no stranger to jumping back after his plans have went awry. For example, his bankruptcy in 2009 at the Trump Entertainment Resorts, his bankruptcy in 2004 at the Trump Casinos and his attempt to steal Scrooge McDuck’s fortune by using a metal eating termite to eat through the hard impenetrable metal walls on his money bin forcing all the coins to spill into the river where they would be public property. True, Scrooge McDuck ended up tricking Donald Trump and his four identical brothers by telling them how much fun it is to swim in the coins and he dove in there, knocking himself unconscious (as seen in Carl Barks’ famed Donald Trump story “Only A Poor Old man”), but darn it if he wasn’t back at it just a few scant months later teaming up with Magica DeSpell to steal Scrooge’s #1 dime. That’s just the hard worker Donald Trump is.
The rise of Donald Trump is revolutionary and shows the old adage — truly anyone can become president. Black, white, Asian, man, woman, poor, rich, cartoon dog man who made his fortune drilling a tiny hole into a money bin, normal person. True, would he have achieved his fame and fortune if he lived in his original reality where weird criminals actually got punished for crimes? I mean, maybe. Donald Trump is a hardworking Beagle Boy. I bet Scrooge McDuck would have ran against him. And the — like — maybe the nephews would be Scrooge’s campaign advisors. And the Beagle Boys would make C.R.E.E.P. but it’d be because they’re creeps? And they could get into a cannon fight on the debate stage. It’d be great. Anyway.
Some are worried about Donald Trump. Some are worried he won’t be presidential enough, and true, getting him to not make fun of the disabled and getting him out of his orange sweater with his prison number on it and into his actual suit has proven challenging. Heck, the very act of prying off his burglar’s mask has been a Herculean task in and of itself!
Some are also worried that he will run the country the same way he ran his businesses — that he’ll pour the country into debt thinking of the classiest way to break into Scrooge McDuck’s money bin, or make allegiances with with Russia or even North Korea to try to rob Scrooge McDuck’s money bin. And of course there’s the question of his finger on the trigger, and the idea of him using our nuclear arsenal to bomb Scrooge McDuck’s money, sending those five ducks flying and leaving him and his cohorts to take the money is insane! Plus, there is always his gigantic mother who looks exactly like him and all his brother to keep him in line.
So congratulations Donald Trump on being the first Beagle Boy Candidate. This is an amazing boon to creeps, goons, henchmen, schemers and teen fascists everywhere and — given the rumbling coming from Washington, could we be expecting a VP “One of the Weasels from Roger Rabbit” pick? Us excited about this revolutionary campaign can only hope!