If You Want to Be Indestructible, You Need to Expose Your Dirt
You will always be weak for as long as you are a slave to your insecurities.
I made a lot of mistakes in the past. If you knew me just recently or in my 20s, you would think I have always been a good, conscientious person.
But the very reason why I cut off many of my old friends wasn’t because they were toxic. But because I was.
I had done a lot of embarrassing and hurtful things to other people in the past.
Back then, though, I didn’t think I was toxic because I knew I was hurting. And I justified my past actions so I wouldn’t feel bad by saying to myself, “I am hurting, so they should understand why I am doing this.”
When we are hurting, we tend to act in a way that lacks empathy. What we feel is the only thing that matters to us, so we are more inclined to do the thing that will benefit us the most.
We forget that other people are hurting, too. Or might be hurting.
We become too focused on our own pain that we don’t think people around us may be dealing with something difficult. We also can’t see that we might cause them pain too deep that they will need to deal with it until they die.
In our eyes, it is us against everyone else even though everyone else didn’t do anything bad.
And then the cycle will repeat itself until everyone becomes like you — unless they pause, look inside themselves, and process their pain. And then they make the world balanced.
If the world were filled with 100% evilness, that would be a disaster. There would be too much blood and noise anywhere you look.
…
Do you realize that you can be one of those people who balance the world?
I think what makes people want to hurt other people or be okay with it is because they have bottled up emotions too much for them to handle, and they want to throw the excess to others.
They don’t necessarily want to spread negativity. It just happens because that’s the only thing they can contribute to the world.
That’s the only thing they think they have, so that’s the only thing they give.
Now, I am not saying that those who do bad things are bad people. It’s just that when we feel bad about ourselves and we have a bad perception of others, we tend to do bad things if we don’t learn to control ourselves.
If we grew up being bombarded with insults, objections, and criticism, we would become defensive once we turn into adults and we would feel like everyone is an enemy and everything is an attack.
I was basically just telling my story, but if that is what you feel, my advice is for you to be open about your shortcomings.
If people’s actions or words affect you, something is triggered in you — something that you can’t accept, are regretful of, or are embarrassed about and you don’t want to expose it, especially through other people.
If you don’t want to be triggered whenever people mention something, then don’t hide anything. Admit and accept that you are flawed.
Before I started A Lover in Disguise in 2019, everyone was an enemy and everything was an attack.
In 2023, I have published 50+ blog posts on the blog all based on my life — all aspects of it, good and bad. Everyone who reads it will know I was insecure, problematic, toxic, and many more.
They will also know that I pooped in my skirt when I was a teenager — TEENAGER! — and that was truly embarrassing for me but I will just laugh with them. I might explain if they wanted more information.
If you want to live freely, tell people your embarrassing story and bring the skeleton out of your closet voluntarily so that when they mention it, it will not faze you. If they try to bring it up, you already did.
That is how you become indestructible.
Lover Bites is the bite version of A Lover in Disguise, which is a personal development and mental health website for the lost souls. Read:
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