What It Is Like to Be the Only Daughter With Three Brothers
My mom is so unfair.
At the age of 27, it takes a lot of convincing and persuasion (and excuses) before I am allowed to do certain solo activities alone. My mom is overprotective to the point that I feel suffocated.
I told her that once (that I feel suffocated sometimes). I also told her, with a loud voice, “Once I get married, just let me do what I want!” She agreed, even though I don’t plan on getting married.
I know that not all daughters feel like they are trapped in a cage, and this is especially the case in other countries.
In other countries like those in the West, what’s proper is to be on your own once you reach the legal age and if you still live at your parent’s house as an adult, many people will think there is something wrong with you.
Financially unstable? Mama’s boy? Some parents will even kick you out forcefully because that is the right thing to do.
I am not questioning their culture because that is, indeed, their culture. Our culture in Asia isn’t perfect after all.
I live in Asia and, generally, people move out only once they get married. If you decide to live independently before marriage, people will wonder why.
Is her family toxic? She must be lonely (even if it is her choice to begin with). If the person has a high social status, people will simply think she is wealthy or confident enough to do that.
I live with my mom and my three brothers (my father had an affair and lives with his mistress). I am the second child (biologically the third), but my younger brother has more freedom than me.
Sure, I can go to a cafe and stay there for hours. I can also take walks in the city with no one but myself. But if I want to go to another city and beyond, there needs to be a valid reason.
If there isn’t, then it is a NO! Unless I unleash the rebel in me.
I understand, though. There are lots of criminals whose targets are women, and my mom is just scared of what might happen to me if I meet them somewhere. My body might just be thrown somewhere.
She’s been like that since I was a child.
But because I was a child, growing up, I thought she just didn’t care about my happiness. My brothers could be happy doing whatever they wanted but I could only do certain things, so I wasn’t happy.
I knew that it was not “neglect” but “overprotection” only when I was 23.
But that doesn’t eliminate the fact that my happiness was neglected, so I grew up rebellious. I am not rebellious anymore, but I am more rebellious than my brothers still.
And this is partly the reason why I want to be single until I die. I may feel constrained right now, but I feel like being in a relationship will make me feel more constrained.
I can not listen to my mom and she will still listen to me because I am her daughter. But if I refuse to listen to a boyfriend or a husband, the relationship is doomed and it is my fault.
I think, in society, if sons struggle with emotions, daughters struggle with freedom. People expect men to be macho, but some macho men feel like they are super macho, so they think they can get or stomp on any woman.
Women know that, so they wear certain clothes so people don’t sexualize them and they can run fast if needed, shout so that their concerns are noticed, fight for equality so they aren’t slaves in the household…
And overprotect their daughters because they care. And the list goes on.
I would love to have a daughter, but I admit that even though she hasn’t been born yet, I am already afraid of what could happen to her if I left her by herself. Even as a kid because pedophiles exist.
Would I be like my mother to her?
Or more intense?
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