There’s nothing wrong with you.

Alexandra Ximenez
Jul 19, 2015 · 3 min read

Those were the first words I said out loud.

It happened a year ago, and surprisingly it took me a lot of time to actually speak to myself, with my voice, not only on my mind. Taking a look at the mirror was painful. I was there, looking exactly the same, the wounds were deep but not visible, the pain was cutting like a knife but I wasn’t bleeding.

It wasn’t my fault, I knew this, but deep down a little voice was telling me “maybe, maybe it was your fault”, I must admit it was scary, but in the end, after a lot of introspection, long conversations with people I love and love me back, I realised that no, what happened to me, wasn’t my fault.

I said no. I said no. I said no.


I know you can make a choice about how to live with the aftermath, even when someone made you think you didn’t have a choice at all

Life goes on. Embracing that thought seemed a little cliche to me at the moment. Of course, when you are throwing up, waking up with nightmares, losing pounds because of the stress, crying for no reason, it is hard to tell that life actually goes on. But it does. As simple as that. At least for me. Yes, we all are different, now I know you can go through hell, and come out of it without being burned. I know you can make a choice about how to live with the aftermath, even when someone made you think you didn’t have a choice at all at a determined point of your life; maybe minutes, maybe hours, maybe days, maybe years, but still, not your fault. Not mine either.

Am I a victim? Am I a survivor?

victim

noun

  1. a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency:

a victim of an automobile accident.

2. a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency:

a victim of misplaced confidence; the victim of a swindler; a victim of an optical illusion.

survivor

noun

  1. a person who survives, especially a person remaining alive after an event in which others have died.
  2. the remainder of a group of people or things.

a survivor from last year’s team.

3. a person who copes well with difficulties in their life.

she is a born survivor.

I’m both. And no, there’s nothing wrong with me.


There is something wrong with the people who think is ok to have sex with someone without consent.

There is something wrong with the man who made me a victim and a survivor. There is something wrong with the society who thinks a sexual abuse is the victim/survivor’s fault. There is something wrong with the people who think is ok to have sex with someone without consent. There is something wrong with a society who makes us feel guilty/ashamed to talk about this. There is something wrong with the double standards. There is something wrong with the hipocricy. There is something wrong with catcalling. There is something wrong with slut-shaming. There is something wrong with victim-blaming. There is something wrong with the huge emphasis on the message “take care” but not so much emphasis on the message “don’t rape”. There is something wrong with the people who mock and bully victims/survivors. There is something wrong with the idea that we provoke our own assaults. There is something wrong with the idea that ONLY WOMEN are victims/survivors. There is something wrong with the idea that a rapist is a stranger in an alley waiting for a random victim. There is something wrong about demanding victims/survivors to report. There is something wrong with the ones who say: You should say no. You should fight back. You should do something to stop it.

I said no. I said no. I said no.

Still happened.

There is something wrong.

But today, I looked at the mirror and I said out loud to myself:

There’s nothing wrong with you.

Alexandra Ximenez

Written by

Empowering women in tech | Global Facilitator @startupweekend @UPGlobalHQ | Nomad writer & editor

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