Transgender Day of Visibility AMA — Part 3/3
For an explanation and some of the most straight-forward (trans-forward?) questions, you can check out Part 1, and for the lurid sexy questions, you can check out Part 2 and then there’s an Addendum on Bravery. Onward with Part 3! These are the stickiest questions. At the end, I’ve also included the only two questions which were asking in bad faith.
Socio-Emotional Changes
Does hormone therapy change the way you think? i heard an interview with a trans man who said he became more interested in stereotypically masculine things (cars, sex, math, etc) after beginning testosterone
Short answer: who knows? I think it’s like the old physics saying, “If you think you understand quantum mechanics, then you don’t understand quantum mechanics.” When I transitioned, people noticed that I seemed far happier. But they also noticed that I stood up straighter. And I was suddenly happier. But whether it was hormones is hard to say. I mean, I also had the simultaneous joy of suddenly getting to experience gender euphoria, and walk through the world as a more authentic version of myself. My fears slid away from me as my co-workers embraced me and my friends and family continued to love and support me. So which one did the happiness come from? The lifestyle change, or the hormones?
As far as liking different things, how can we possibly separate what we allow ourselves to like after transitioning from the things that perhaps the hormones “cause” us to like? It’s my personal guess that it’s what we allow ourselves to like. In my opinion, anyone who tries to tell you that men naturally like math better is perpetuating a deeply stereotypical myth that has been used to put down women for centuries; and anyone who tries to tell you that men naturally like cars better is selling you a short-sighted stereotype that can’t possibly have a basis in nature, given the fact that we evolved our modern human physiologies long before we started making cars. Gender is a social construct, and so are the things we hypothetically gravitate toward. Trust me, I know plenty of cisgender women who are absolutely in love with math, cars, and sex and have perfectly typical hormonal levels.
What do you think of the argument that trans women who transition as adults carry with them some residual privilege in the form of expectations regarding how much “space” they are entitled to (as opposed to how much space they are granted as women)? It’s my sense that, among trans people, those who are most visible and vocal day-to-day are mostly women (though there are substantially more public and visible trans men and NB folks now than even a couple years ago). I wonder if some of that is to do with dynamics as subtle-but-measurable as the disproportionate amount of talking that is normative for people perceived as men vs people perceived as women in group settings like classrooms or work meetings.
In a nutshell? I think that argument’s bullshit. This answer is way down at the end, because it’s a very, very complicated answer and it’s also very, very important.
Let’s start at the top. When you refer to a trans woman or non-binary person (enby) who “had masculine experiences,” you typically refer to them as “AMAB” — “assigned male at birth.” Why is that? It’s because the term “socialized male” is often (though not universally) seen as borderline (if not full-out) transphobic, in addition to being an incomplete picture. I’ve had arguments about this before, but 90%+ of the time, when I see “socialized” as [X], it is being weaponized against trans people, especially trans women.
What transgender and cisgender men and women are all socialized to is “gender.” Full stop. AMAB people aren’t socialized male, they’re socialized to the expectations of both male and female behavior. They will, to differing degrees, punish others (and themselves) for stepping out of line, and adhere as closely as possible to the established expectations — although we are thankfully seeing this dissipate as people realize it doesn’t have to be that way.
When I transitioned, I found myself very suddenly trying very, very hard to take up less space and to be more quiet, especially in public. I found that I was paying attention to my food in different ways. The first week after I came out at school, my voice ached at the end of every day, because without consciously doing it, I was speaking in a higher register than before. Transgender people often find themselves adhering to these gender expectations at least as closely as their cisgender friends and family. This is because we were never “socialized male” or “socialized female,” we were socialized to gender. And as soon as we transition, we feel that weight, and feel it hard. Add to that the fact that many of us are far too deeply aware and self-critical of anything that comes off as “too [assigned gender],” and you have a nasty cocktail primed for different behaviors, disorders, and more.
So no, I don’t buy it at all that trans women “take up more space” with different expectations of what they’re entitled to. I know plenty of introverted, quiet trans women.
You can also add to that that most trans women did not receive male privilege the same way as cisgender men. Again, we are socialized to gender and we, societally, punish those who step out of line. For most trans women, scratch the surface and you’ll find a history of punishment and bullying for not being butch enough. For being too femme. Look at how effeminate cisgender gay men are treated. Trust me, the vast majority of trans women were not granted the same space as cisgender men.
So then, why would you get a sense that, among trans people, those who are the most visible and vocal day-to-day are trans women?
There’s a lot of confirmation and selection bias, first. We’re most likely to see the trans women who are, well — visible. Those who are not as active will not be as noticed, thus giving a skewed view of what percentage of trans women are vocal and take up space. Plus, when you see the vocal trans women, it’ll reinforce that bias, whereas the quiet ones may be discounted as the exception — this is a bias we see a lot in stereotypes toward many different demographics.
Additionally, trans men frankly often have more “passing privilege” than trans women. I kid you not, a beard does wonders. For so many trans men, the deepening of the voice and growth of a beard give outward signifiers that make many people just assume that they’re cis. For many trans women, on the other hand, it’s a much steeper hill to get rid of that facial hair and undergo voice training. In my case, I never bothered training my voice, and my baritone feels like an advertisement. So you may be more aware of how many trans women are around you than trans men. But, for instance, in Massachusetts one of our most prominent advocates is a trans man.
On top of it, the patriarchy hates trans women, but that’s a topic that could be an entire essay in itself. And it has a much, much greater fear of trans women. So I think that, even if it’s not bias and if it were true that trans women are more often more vocal advocates and take up more space (I’m not convinced), then it would still make sense to look beyond “socialization” and to the real facts on the ground. These anti-transgender-rights bills — such as bathroom bills, the fights over trans women in sports, etc. — are always framed around presenting trans women as some sort of predatory evil. And so we’re going to have to fight back that much harder to be visible, to be real, to be strong, to show that we’re not evil, that we are good and wonderful and that we’re here to stay.
“Bad Faith” Questions
These aren’t actually “bad faith” questions, but they’re the closest I received. They’re just from snarkier people who went off-topic. I’ll answer them anyway.
Wait are you from Boston?
Yes. No. Where is anyone from, anyway? I was born in Monterey, California. I’m a California girl! And I grew up in New Hampshire. And then I spent 12 formative years in Boston. Okay, fine, I’m from Boston. Are you happy now? I’d almost started shutting up about it, too. Look, I hope you know how much I miss those kids. It’s where I first found my tribe, in so many ways. I learned to be polyamorous there, I came out as trans there and was taken profound care of. I found my fire tribe, I finally went to therapy for depression, I learned to take leadership roles and embrace the stage. It was a big deal.
What’s your favorite color?
Navy blue, obviously. Three weeks until my hair’s that color again.
