WILL YOU BE MY CO-FOUNDER?

4 tips for finding the co-founder of your dreams & staying together for the long haul

Micah Risk is my brilliant co-founder at Lighter.

Micah and I first met in a coffee shop called the Thinking Cup on Tremont Avenue in Boston. That was almost three years ago, but she still remembers what she wore and what I ordered for lunch. I remember being excited and a little bit nervous.

We went into that coffee as strangers, and we left as business partners (our company is Lighter). I immediately popped the question, and — thankfully — she said yes. Since then, it has been an incredible, whirlwind adventure for both of us. Over the years, we’ve faced many challenges, and yet I think we feel closer now than ever before, and with a greater depth of mutual admiration.

Like choosing a spouse, choosing a co-founder will impact the trajectory of your life. (And if it seems like I am joking around about the parallels between finding a spouse and finding a co-founder, I can assure you that it’s funny only because it’s true.)

In the beginning, your company will live or die based on your ability to communicate effectively, listen patiently and trust each other. So, here are my four tips for finding the co-founder of your dreams and staying together through thick and thin.

1. FIND MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE STRENGTHS, AND RUN WITH THEM.

It’s very easy to find someone who is like you and to want to go into business with that person. (We all have a bias of liking people who are like us!). And yet, there is so much to do when starting a company, and such a wide variety of skill sets are needed; so, it’s much better (and smarter) to have diversity of mind. Then, you can divide and conquer.

Micah has a background in nutrition, and she’s the brain behind our product. She understands food in a way that I never will. When we built our first software, we essentially uploaded Micah’s brilliant brain, and she knows all the details inside and out. She’s also an introvert, though you’d never know it. (She’s been on the cover of Runner’s World twice and is probably the most charming person I know.)

On the other hand, I can’t cook, I don’t fully understand our database, and I’m probably one of the biggest extroverts on the planet. I love shouting from the rooftops about our work. I love firing up our team. I love talking to investors (because who else is going to ask me tons of questions about my baby — I mean “company” — and let me gush for hours?).

Micah runs her part of the company, and I run mine. We give each other advice and ask each other for help, but our domains rarely overlap. I couldn’t have done this without her, and she couldn’t have done it without me. We both know it, and we admire each other for it.

Here we are with our all female tech team in the early days. We finally hired some (awesome) guys last year.

2. REMEMBER THAT THE HARD CONVERSATIONS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT.

As much as we love each other, Micah and I both know that it’s the tough conversations that are the most important. We want to create a culture at Lighter that enables (respectful) debate and disagreement. There’s a lot of love in our company culture, but we don’t want our joyful team to sing “Kumbaya” off a cliff. Micah and I need to be able to warn each other about potholes up ahead and challenges on the horizon. We need to push back against each other’s biases and assumptions. So sometimes we argue, passionately.

And I think it’s great. We must be able to keep our egos out of important decisions. We need to ensure that we are both heard while riding this rollercoaster that is a start-up.

Many of these conversations are not easy, and yet there is strength in our vulnerability, strength in an egoless moment of learning, strength in being told you are wrong and then changing your mind. So, find someone who is strong enough to argue and engage in tough conversations. And find someone who is tough enough to be vulnerable.

Speaking of tough, Micah was on the cover of Runner’s Wold twice the year after we started Lighter. In addition to starting a tech company she was running ultras.

3. TEST THINGS OUT WITH YOUR PARTNER BEFORE YOU MAKE IT OFFICIAL.

In modern relationships, it’s now common that two people live together before they get hitched. Similarly, I’d recommend testing the waters with your potential co-founder. Before you tie the knot, start working together and see how it goes.

Micah and I did something that I’m pretty sure many people would advise against, so take this next story with a big grain of salt. We didn’t sign any legal documentation delineating ownership of the company until over a year after we launched our first product and had raised close to $2M in seed.

This was not a well-thought-out plan. (Truthfully, it was more about kicking the legal fees down the road until I felt that our company could prioritize that bill.) But I think it was actually good for us. Working together without any legal safety net meant that the only security Micah and I had in the company was our ability to communicate and work well together. And we did. We built trust and reliance, so that when it came time to fill out the paperwork, it was just that — paperwork. We both knew where we stood, and ultimately, the conversations around ownership were obvious and fairly effortless.

4. CELEBRATE!

Your co-founder is going to be a central person in your life for many years to come, and it’s deeply important that you nurture and celebrate the relationship. Last year Micah and I had an anniversary date. It was so great to get away from our daily work, to step back for a moment and acknowledge all that we had accomplished together. It was important for us to share how grateful we are for each other’s hard work and reaffirm our absolute persistence in bringing our dream to life.

Day-to-day it’s easy to take your co-founder’s work for granted. But just like you, s/he is pouring her life into your company. And if you are both the bosses, it’s likely that you get very little thanks for your hard work. (Usually, you are the ones thanking others for their work.)

In start-ups, we climb our hearts out to get to the tops of mountains — just to see all the other mountains we must climb before we summit. And yet, the journey is one of our life’s great adventures. I once had an investor tell me that I should take care to savor this journey — because someday things will be routine and predictable again, and we’ll miss this adventure into the unknown.

If you want peace and gratitude to permeate your co-founder relationship, be sure to take the time to celebrate, express gratitude and bask in all of your shared success.

And then, keep climbing that mountain side-by-side.

Thank you Lara for your editing to make this post so much better!