I’m writing this so I can easily refer to it for those of you who want to know who I am and why you may want to listen to me when it comes to making Eyes Wide Open decisions about your life and business. Whenever I am learning from someone, I always crave to know more of their backstory. So, this is mine, in more of a shorthand than I’d like, but I don’t have the time to write the book just yet, so for now this will do.
If anything I’ve written here prompts curiosity in you, which may equally feel like repulsion or compulsion to know more, I encourage you to highlight the area in question, and share what’s showing up for you (either privately in a message or publicly in a comment), so I can speak more to it.
This is an evolving piece that I will add to after it’s published, and I’ll probably date notate updates when made. This first draft is being published at the end of 2019.
TLDR: My official bio can be read here. And the lineage of my names can be found here. And my work supporting lawyers to love their lives and law practices, by using their law degree to make a real difference in their clients’ lives can be found here.
I’m walking into 2020 finally feeling ready to own the full vision of what I desire to create, in service to healing the deeply corrupt patterns built in to our legal and financial services industries.
Here’s the path I took to get here.
I hope to share the full story one day in a book, but until then, here’s the highly abridged version:
The Journey to Becoming Ali Katz
- 1973: Born Alexis W. Martin. I grew up believing my middle name was Whitney, but my birth certificate indicates only “W.” because my dad thought “Whitney” was too presumptuous.
Just the first of many strange incongruences from my growing up years.
- 1999: Married Todd in February and became “Alexis Martin Neely,” the first of many names I would embody as an adult woman. This one would carry me through the next ten years and a whole lot of success, on the surface.
Graduated first in my class from Georgetown University Law Center, Summa Cum Laude, in May. Started clerkship for Judge Peter T. Fay on the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals in August. Gave birth to our daughter, Kaia, in November, two weeks before I turned 26 years old.
Key learning: all of life can change in just one year.
- 2000: Began work as an associate attorney at the law firm of Munger, Tolles & Olson, in Los Angeles, in the Corporate Tax and Estate Planning Departments. I loved the 6-figure paycheck, the office with a window, and felt pretty much in over my head with everything else.
I chose MTO as the place to start my career because it was the most prestigious of all the firms I could possibly work at, notorious for being the hardest to get hired at, and because it had been started by Charlie Munger, Warren Buffet’s personal attorney, and that meant something to me, as I had the idea that I wanted to be a personal attorney to my clients.
My first year, I was earning $135,000 a year. I’d only ever waited tables, sold used cars and worked as a Westlaw rep through law school, so this was no small amount of money to me. But, I was also shocked to find how little was left over after taxes, insurance, and 401k contributions.
And, even though I was an estate planning and corporate tax associate at one of the best law firms in the country, I didn’t really understand what my 401k even was, or how it factored into my life. When the firm told me I was getting one, and that I’d have to choose from a bunch of investment options to invest it, I kind of understood, but not really. They handed me a piece of paper with a list of mutual funds I could invest in, and because I didn’t know what any of it meant, I just closed my eyes, put my finger down on the page, and circled the option that my finger landed on. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Key learning: a 401k, or any retirement account, is a resource to be invested in alignment with your values, like all of your resources. Stay connected to it.
- 2001: Todd and I used the $35,000 inheritance he received from his mom, and bought our first home in Redondo Beach, CA — 850 square feet, with a white picket fence and a tire swing in the front yard.
The golden handcuffs were real.
While my paycheck increased to $150,000 a year, we still felt pinched and I remember being extremely unhappy with Todd’s daily trips to Starbucks, and feeling as if we could not afford outside help. Looking back, I can see now that outside help — in the form of babysitters, housecleaners, and therapists — all of which we desperately needed, but I swore we could not afford, would have been a lot less expensive than our eventual very expensive divorce.
I was commuting an hour each way, pumping my breasts throughout the day in my office, and nursing Kaia all throughout the night in our family bed. Honestly, looking back, I have no idea how I did it. But, I was young and full of energy, so I made it work.
Key learning: once you have kids, and especially if you have a business, invest in support at home as much as you possibly can and don’t expect one parent to shoulder all of the work of the home. It will save you so much more in the long run.
- 2002: I began to wonder if I’d made a huge mistake going to law school and started to face my disillusionment with the practice of law, and traditional path of success.
Hired my first coach, Mariette Edwards, even though coaching was still totally weird back then and parts of my mind were sure I was crazy to do it, and other parts were sure I could not afford the $350/mo. it cost me, although by then I was earning $165,000 a year.
Around that same time, I started seeking a Church. This too seemed crazy because I was born Jewish, and was raised to believe God and religion was for stupid people. Yet, it was VERY clear to me that I was meant to find a Church.
Life has had a way of guiding me in the most interesting of ways, and this time was no different. A woman would come into my life through my first major synchronistic event around the same time I was reading the book “There Are No Accidents: Synchronicity and the Story of Our Lives.” Her name is Joanne, and she was both incredibly compelling to me, and also made my stomach churn because she talked about God all. the. time. A word I physically couldn’t stomach back then.
But, I kept listening because I figured if I was that impacted, there might be something there for me. And, she led me to the Church I had been seeking: Agape International Spiritual Center, with the teachings of Reverend Michael Bernard Beckwith. The minute I walked in the doors at Agape, I knew I had found home. And, it was where I first encountered the idea that I was creating my own reality, and maybe I could do a better job with what I was creating. And, most importantly, how I was creating it.
First level awakening: I can use my mind to create reality, and have in fact been doing that all along, though in a painful and unnecessary manner. Maybe I can get more intentional with how and what I create.
- 2003: Gave birth to Noah, in March and started my own law practice, Martin Neely & Associates in August.
Met my 2nd real coach and mentor, Scott Farnsworth, shortly after. Scott would show me that law could be practiced in a different way, and he introduced me to the ideas of values and strategic visioning for the first time.
I began to dream of creating my own law office in a restored home on a well-known corner of town. And within a year of opening the doors to my practice, thanks to what I had learned at Agape and from Scott, I would see that dream become reality.
Key learning: whatever you envision with clarity, you can create, with commitment and a few foundational belief/mindset tools.
- 2004: My dad died, freeing me to discover the feminine parts of myself that I had pushed away, in loyalty to him.
When my dad died, he left my stepmom behind. And we all had agreed before he died that the bulk of his resources would be used to support her for her lifetime. But, he did leave me about $50k in a retirement account, which I promptly cashed out and put into my law practice. There are so many estate planning lessons in this one short paragraph that I teach to the lawyers I train, and that they pass on to their clients. Bottom line: if you are in a second marriage situation, talk to your step kids about inheritance matters well before death, if you want to have a graceful, easeful relationship for the long-term. My sister and I LOVE our stepmom, and I am so grateful that we have never had any issues around my dad’s assets because of the conversations we had before he died.
Around the time of my dad’s death, I also found yoga and tantra, and read Shakti Gawain’s book, Creative Visualization. I began to read the work of David Deida, and cried my eyes out reading Dear Lover, a book I think it might be time to revisit.
Second level awakening: my body is alive, and my sexual energy is a tuning fork I can tap into and use to guide me, though I’ll have a lot to learn about how to use this tool and come to trust it, and be trustworthy with it.
- 2005: Started to do work with Satyen and Suzanne Raja, of Warrior Sage, and had a direct experience of “oneness” as a result of a 5-day Osho Meditation process led by Satyen, called the Illumination Intensive.
Third level awakening: I am.
Todd and I got divorced, and we stayed out of the court process after I came to conclude (as a result of deep prayer) that the best thing I could do for our family would be to ask him what he needed, and give it to him. That was a terrifying idea, but in my prayer as I contemplated that if I left it up to him, he would take me for everything, I was reminded quite loudly and clearly: “you’ll make more.”
I agreed to $4,000 per month of child support and alimony, even though I was sure I didn’t have it to pay. I was still just in my 3rd year of practice on my own, and cash felt (and was) tight.
After my divorce, and many months of opening the door to my sexual energy and to spirituality, I found myself ready to focus again on business and success, but this time infused with a feminine energy I had not had (or been aware of) before.
And, it was true — I would make more.
Key learning: give more than you think you have, and you will make more.
- 2006: Hit my first million dollars of revenue in my law practice.
My decision to pay Todd more than I thought I had available to give opened my creative, money-making floodgates. On a flight home from somewhere, in a business magazine I was reading, I came across a man named Dan Kennedy who would become my next mentor.
His “advertorial” spoke of a reality I longed for — sharing my knowledge on the internet, and getting paid for it, without having to leave home. The world of “information marketing” would open its arms to welcome me, and I would excitedly dive in.
That August, after trying to implement Dan’s teachings on my own and hiring the wrong coaches and pretty much failing repeatedly — after making some very expensive investments in trying — I attended my first in-person Dan Kennedy event in Cleveland, Ohio.
On the flight there, I prayed “please, God, give me the resources I need here to continue. I’m at the end of my rope, and if you want me to continue, I need you to show me that clearly.”
Strangely, at that event, I would meet two men, who would become critically important players in my life, each one becoming my life and business partner for 3.5 years, at separate times in the future.
One of those men was Dave Dee, who would become my 3rd major coach and mentor, and help me to launch my online trainings for lawyers.
Key learning: pray, turn it over to God and then take action so that God can show up and provide.
- 2007: Held my first “teleseminar” and brought in a life-changing $117,000 in an hour and $250,000 total over the following several weeks, began training other lawyers on the systems I had created in my law practice for engaging clients, starting with the Client Engagement System and the Personal Family Lawyer program.
- 2008: Wrote the best-selling book on legal planning for parents, Wear Clean Underwear. Sold my law practice and began to focus all my energy on training other lawyers in my systems for sales and marketing, and turned that into my second million dollar a year business. Went to Burning Man for the first time, with my kids.
- 2009: Appeared on all the television shows as Alexis Martin Neely, family, financial and legal expert.
These were years of massive success for me in all the traditional ways. I was living on a walkstreet in Hermosa Beach, my kids were attending the best private school in the South Bay of Los Angeles, I had a life and business partner I loved and who loved me very much. I was beginning to become famous.
It was everything I had ever dreamed of creating in my life coming true.
Why couldn’t I appreciate any of it as much as it seemed I should?
My dis-ease with what I was creating, even though it looked so damn good from the outside, ultimately led me to my first experience with the plant medicine, Ayahuasca.
During that first journey, I saw clearly why I couldn’t enjoy what I had created. I saw what Charles Eisenstein calls “the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible” and how I was creating the exact opposite of it, as I pursued my own success. In the reflection of this more beautiful world, I saw the ugly underbelly beneath the surface of my success.
Fourth level awakening: I am not what I thought I was.
Key learning: Everything I had created was built on a foundation of separation, scarcity, fear, trauma patterns and not the harmony and oneness my soul was longing to experience.
I had no idea what to do with this awareness. But, I began to question the why and what of everything I had learned.
That August at Burning Man, spirit gave me a clear message from Spirit — find Eben Pagan. He has something for you.
It took me all week to find him, and when I did finally meet Eben, it was at the exact moment he met his now wife, Annie Lalla. That moment still feels significant to me.
I went back to Eben’s RV with him, and I told him that I had gotten a message from spirit that he had something for me. I still laugh thinking about that, and that he took me seriously. But, he did. Though he did say he didn’t know what he had for me, but that he’d be going to a David Deida event the week following Burning Man, and maybe I should consider going.
So, I did.
It was at that event that my life would begin to change course in a major way. I met Michael Ellsberg and Tara Divina and Gaby Sundra. And through them I would meet Bryan Franklin and Jennifer Russell. And Jena LaFlamme.
And from there, so many others who would become my community, and hold me through the exponential internal growth that would occur in my life and psyche over the following ten years.
I was deeply inspired by these people who seemed to be living a reality that only existed in my dreams, and surely (I thought) I was not good enough to inhabit.
Their lives seemed to pulse with a creative life force that I desired for myself. And over the following years, I would touch into it, fill up on it, and then return to the safety of my home to process what I had seen and learned.
- 2010: Moved to Boulder, CO on January 1, and began to slowly, but surely, unravel.
Within months of arriving in CO, I bought a farm, so Todd could grow medical marijuana, or so I thought at the time. The day I signed the papers for the farm purchase, I declared “mark my words, I will NEVER live here.” Those words would come back to haunt me within 18 months. Some part of me knew I would need to live there. My soul needed me to live there. But the Alexis Martin Neely who bought that farm would have to die, before I could.
This was an incredibly confusing time for me. I didn’t really understand what was happening, except that it seemed I would need to dismantle everything I had created from a foundation of separation to find the wholeness I had seen in that ayahuasca journey.
I tearfully broke up with my life and business partner, Dave, fired much of my team, and hired an interim CEO to run my company, so I could cry everyday and fall apart.
The best thing that interim CEO did for me was to ask me everyday “Lex, what do you want?” I had no idea. I was so confused. I could only cry in response. I had it all. But, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t appreciate it and it all seemed so hard, and I felt so burdened.
Hadn’t I followed all the rules? Done all the right things? Why was I so unhappy?
It would take me a few years to figure it out.
Along the way, I married a “shaman” at Burning Man.
I discovered my love of land and the idea of community at Eden Hot Springs.
I went to Peru with David Wolfe and experienced the plant medicine San Pedro for the first time.
Key learning: I had outsourced almost all of my choice-making to money, and I was trapped in a delusion that kept me from seeing what really matters or ever experiencing true personal fulfillment, no matter how much money or success I created.
- 2011: I hosted my own entrepreneurial focused event at Eden Hot Springs, Eden Unplugged with 50 up and coming business owners, and Craig, who would after that become my partner for 3.5 years. I turned the “marijuana farm” into a community space. I spoke at Lightning in a Bottle on the first iteration of my work around money, the Money Map. I learned about “parts” work as a path to understanding purpose, and most importantly, found a previously buried part of myself and gave her a name: Ali Shanti.
Over the course of 2011, I decided to walk away from everything I had created as Alexis Martin Neely, release my ego and my brand, and face my greatest fear of running out of money, by only doing work I would do for free, so I could discover who I was if money was not my driving motivation.
I moved to the farm I swore I would never live on, and created The Whole Truth Show, a 4-hour weekly Livestream that was my absolute favorite thing I ever did.
I read a lot that year. One of the most important books I would read was The Soul of Money, by Lynne Twist. Lynne’s words about “sufficiency” touched me deeply. I loved the idea of it, but realized that I had no idea what sufficiency meant for me. I had a belief that I needed $40M to be free, but after reading Lynne’s book, I came to see that my perception of freedom was broken.
Around that time, I met the man I’ve come to call “the $100,000,000” man. I imagined that he would surely be free with all that money, and yet I found him to be the least free person I’d ever met. All he could talk about was money — where it was located, what forms of currency he had, and he worked incessantly to make more — and he was never sure if he was loved just for him, or because of his money. Even though I hadn’t made $100,000,000 yet myself, I could deeply relate.
I saw that I wanted and needed to discover true freedom — what I’ve come to call liberation — not the false freedom I saw represented by having all the money and fame. My time at the farm, doing only work I would do for free and sharing all of myself via The Whole Truth Show, would be highly illuminating.
Key learning: financial freedom is a lie. The truth path is one of liberation, and it puts money (an infinitely renewable resource) in right relationship with non-renewable resources of time, energy and attention.
- 2012: I spent the year only doing work I would do for free. I attempted to create community on the farm, filed bankruptcy. And, I discovered more about the Money Map process and how it could be used to clarify what “sufficiency” really meant and how to experience true liberation, not just false financial freedom.
Through the Money Map process, I discovered that I did want to continue to serve lawyers, but from a different foundation. It was not just about helping them to make more money, but about truly helping lawyers to make a real difference in their clients’ lives, and with a business model that would support them. That year, I came to understand why I had gone to law school (a question I had been perpetually asking before that), and why I had learned all that I had about business, and, most importantly, maybe, I came to understand the purpose of my failures along the way. I also came to see that a great deal of our individual and collective power comes from having the ability to create our own economy, rather than being subject to the economy reported in the media, or dictated by the ups and downs of the stock market.
After 18 months spent getting and living free with a location independent lifestyle, and a year at the farm, I envisioned a life of stability for me and the kids in Boulder and created a PACT with my partner, Craig at the Integral Center.
This is also the year I am invited into healing my relationship with women. I’m join a group of women that will come to be known as the Mistressmind. This circle of women will support me, grow with me, evolve me, and show me what it means to be a true friend to myself. We will meet weekly for 90-minutes, and twice in person as a group each year, for the next five years.
Key learning: one path to financial liberation is doing only work I would do for free, and learning how to ask for and accept exactly what I need in exchange.
- 2013: Focused on rebuilding and learning how to manage the legal, insurance, financial and tax parts of my business, so I could handle the money I’d be making and the teams I would need, as I rebuilt.
Craig, Todd, the kids and I moved into our home on North Boulder Park, around the corner from the Integral Center. Craig and I launched RelationshipTMI.com, a place for us to share the intimate details of our relationship, in service to collective, relational healing. And Craig and I shared our explorations around open relating, and were deeply supported by the OneTaste community.
I commit to living fully out loud as both Ali Shanti and Alexis Neely, without compromising either one. And, Andrew Warner of Mixergy.com names me as the most shockingly open entrepreneur on his whole site. This was years before “transparency” and “authenticity” were what they are now. And I think I was a pioneer in these areas, giving people permission to be all of themselves in life and business, by my example.
Key learning: I actually can be all of myself and serve lawyers, and the stories I’ve been telling myself that I cannot are lies, based in scarcity and fear, not truth.
- 2014: I continue to rebuild my foundations, while also doing more tearing down. I end my partnership with Craig live on the RelationshipTMI show in May, and then I take the kids to Apogaea, the Colorado regional burn, where I meet Reuben.
Reuben … a short, yet extremely potent relationship that showed me all the places I was still operating from a deeply wounded place. The good news is that he was an NLP master who would get up close and personal with me fast enough to see the wounding and then offer me a cure. Even though the offer of the cure came in the form of a letter outlining all of my deficiencies and why we couldn’t be in relationship, I took him up on it knowing that what he saw in me was true, and it was time to face it all.
It was a painful, yet needed process. Looking back now, I can see I was deep in the heart of addiction in 2014. Because I functioned so well with it, no one would have ever known. But, I did. I thought I needed marijuana to handle life, and be creative, and keep it all together.
I think this addiction to marijuana had been present in my life fairly consistently after my move to Boulder, but I didn’t see it as an addiction because it was so normalized and acceptable.
But, addiction it was, and the biggest impact probably was that it compromised my ability to discern. And, of course, be truly present. I now know I was “buffering” (thank you Brooke Castillo) the pain and overwhelm of my life, and instead of facing it directly, creating a massive backlog that I’d have to face at some point if I wanted to be able to create the life I really wanted. 2015 would be the year I’d get my comeuppance on that one.
The second half of 2014, I got to cycle back to all of the places I was still operating from lack, fear, and not enoughness.
One good thing did come from 2014, which was that Reuben and I collaborated with Akira Chan and Elijah Ray to produce a 7-minute meditation video based on a meditation shared with me by Paul Cooper.
I think this meditation may have saved my life. I watched it and shared it and recited it over and over again throughout 2015, as I delivered on the Money Map to Freedom course, and it reminded me of who I am, why I am here, and what’s mine to do in a time when I most needed that reminder.
The worst part of the year was creating a Money Map to Freedom launch with my partners, Kiva and Amrita, enrolling 250 people, and watching Kiva and Amrita leave me right in the middle of it. At the time, I felt victimized. I’ve come to see the beauty in their leaving, why it happened, and what there was for me to see about my personal responsibility and opportunity for internal growth. And, as of this writing, 5 years later, Kiva and I are working together again, which has the potential to be extremely healing for us both, I believe.
This was another huge wake up call about how critical it is to have deep right alignment of legal, insurance, financial and tax systems, what happens when we don’t and how much I still had to learn in that regard.
One of the major underlying shadows in the relationship with Kiva and Amrita was that I called them “partners,” but in truth I was the 100% owner of Eyes Wide Open, and they worked for me. Had we wanted a true partnership that could have served all of us, we’d have needed to document our partnership as such with clear agreements, terms and conditions. But, I still didn’t have the full maturity to know how to do that, and so we didn’t.
The second best part of the year was meeting Michael, and falling deeply in love. I’m not sure how I would have made it through 2015 if Michael had not come into my life when he did. 2015 would be, without question, the most difficult (and also rewarding) year of my life.
Key learning: addiction is real, trauma is real, and these must be faced and healed in order to truly collaborate and partner on a healthy foundation. And, if your legal, insurance, financial and tax systems don’t line up with your words, it will bite you in the ass. Repeatedly. Until you fix it.
- 2015: I start the year knowing I’ve got some big work to do, and not sure how I’m going to manage it all. I need to deliver on the Money Map to Freedom course, with only a fraction of my team, held together by a shoe string. I need to pay back an $86,000 refund to a woman who we enrolled in a business start-up and growth program I wouldn’t be able to deliver on without Kiva, Amrita and Reuben. I needed to take back over as CEO of New Law Business Model. And, I start to get the hint that Kaia’s first year of high school brought drugs and alcohol into her life in a way that I was going to have to figure out how to handle.
I was tempted to collapse under the weight of it all. Instead, I step up in a far bigger way than I would have ever imagined possible for myself.
I learn to be the CEO of my life.
I deliver on the Money Map to Freedom Course. I pay back the $86,000 chargeback. I step back in as CEO of New Law Business Model.
I consider sending Kaia away to wilderness therapy, but instead learn to “Be Her Mother” after a clear message from Spirit. I decide to take her to Envision Festival, where I speak on sovereignty and the new economy, and then go to the Roots Gathering at Punta Mona where I confront my own death, “remember” my roots, and my name, Ali Katz, though it will be many years before I am ready to actually reclaim that name as my own. I return to Costa Rica to attend the Permaculture Design Course at Punta Mona for 2.5 weeks, bringing the kids and Michael with me.
In so many ways, it was a time of magic.
Interestingly, some of that year was filmed. I hired a friend, Robert Love, to film my life for 4 months. For the most part, I’ve never even watched the footage. But, given that I can now see it was the most challenging (and rewarding) year of my life, I’ll mine that footage at some point to see what there is for me and for us.
The one piece of content that has been processed is a deep healing moment with my mother, in which I face all of my deepest insecurities and ask her to invest in me. I share that video as part of my Enough course and the teaching around mining your resources, and how to ask for what you need.
When I think back to 2015, what I’m most aware of is how much I was able to accomplish with two very small teams working in two businesses, and while traveling with my kids. I think I took that for granted at the time.
At the moment of this writing, I have one big business and team, and I’ve gotten rooted here in Boulder, and been telling myself that I can’t travel so that I can focus on the business. But looking back at 2015, I know that’s not actually true. I do need to maintain rhythms, systems, structures, and flow, but I can do that while traveling.
My relationship with Michael comes to an end after Burning Man, due to my still immature patterns around intimacy.
Key learning: It’s time to grow up and show up.
- 2016: Another year of rebuilding, this time stepping into my full leadership as CEO of my life. Restructure New Law Business Model and make the decision to put Eyes Wide Open on hiatus so I can focus on my kids and serving the lawyers.
I begin to hear the call of Starhouse, a land and Temple in Boulder, that I had always been drawn to, but wasn’t ready for by any means. But now, suddenly, I find myself being invited to meetings focused on the transition of Starhouse from its current owners to a new model of stewardship.
Key learning: Listen to the land.
- 2017: Begin to learn to be a real CEO. Build a leadership team at New Law Business Model. And I make a 100% commitment to support the transition of Starhouse, in full devotion to the land.
This was also the year I would participate in the most transformational training of my life to date. My dear brother, Josh Zemel, saw something in me that needed to be seen, a part I wasn’t aware of at all, up until then. He told me that all he wanted for his 40th birthday was for me to attend a 9-month training course called T3. I trusted his seeing, and said yes. That course showed me all the places I was blocking intimacy, unwilling (or unable) to feel the impact of my ways on others, and how I could come into true connection with myself and others. It would become clear to me that I had to bring this work to the lawyer community I served, and I’d begin to get curious about how that might happen.
As the year transitioned from 2017 to 2018, the “Starhouse transition team” would host a gathering on the Starhouse land for our community near and far. And, I would also give birth to the beginnings of a long-held dream of providing automation technology to the lawyers I serve.
Key learning: Listen to my friends who know me and love me.
- 2018: Starhouse. Avalon. C4 Training. Hit the Inc. 5000 for the first time, and hire a COO at New Law Business Model. Called back into community. Attend Collective Legacy. Make a poor decision to relaunch Eyes Wide Open with the wrong team. Meet Will at the end of the year and begin to learn a lot about another level of discernment.
2018 was a year of dichotomy and polarization of my parts, in service to the coming integration.
On one hand, I was deeply exploring the Priestess Archetype, as I moved further into relationship with Starhouse and my devotion there. Mid-year, the work of Avalon came to the Starhouse, and our transition team dove fully in. Through that work, I would come to see all the places I was still giving over my power, not taking full responsibility, and outsourcing my leadership to others. It was another painfully illuminating moment. And, at the end of it, I would bow deeply to Starhouse and the way in which I served and was served by the land, and the Temple, and choose to surrender any attachment I had to Starhouse transitioning in the way I had envisioned. Starhouse wasn’t “mine” and has it’s own path to highest and best service.
On the other hand, I would also be deeply embodying my Business Woman Archetype, and all the places I did have the skills of leadership that would allow me to grow my business to its next level. New Law Business Model would make it onto the Inc. 5000 this year, for the first time.
And, thanks to one of my long-time business leads, Allison, and one of the lead trainers from the T3 training that transformed my life, Josh Levin, we would introduce authentic relating/communication skills training to the lawyers for the first time. I was so scared right before that first training, and the moment I walked in to see the lawyers on the Starhouse land, ready to learn the art of connection, I felt my wholeness more than I ever had before. Lawyers at Starhouse learning to return to their humanity! It felt like coming home to myself, fully.
Last, I once again found myself exploring the Archetype of Community Mama. By now, I’ve had many experiences of community. I am aware of the widely held dream many of us have to live, work and love in community, on land. It’s a dream I continue to hold in myself. And, I am aware of just how much personal healing work we still each need to do in order to come into collective coherence enough to realize this dream on a large scale.
Dipping my toes back into this community dream, I attended an event named Collective Legacy. As soon as I heard the name, I felt deeply called to be there and support the next stage of the collective dream. The ripple of this event has had many impacts in my life, some amazing and some painfully illuminating. That’ll need to be a story for another time. But my big takeaway is we still have so much to learn, and the learning happens in the experimentation, the fuck-ups, and the way in which we choose to grow through it as a result.
By the end of 2018, I was ready for more (and also a lot less). And, on December 27, 2018, I would land in Costa Rica with my son, clear that Life was calling me to be at Punta Mona again for the turning of the year, but not clear why.
It turns out that Ali Katz was calling me. Ali Katz, who I had first “met” years earlier at the Roots Gathering hosted by Punta Mona. Ali Katz, who I was not ready to step fully into then, was ready and waiting for me. And, a man who would help me to see myself ever more clearly, inspiring me to a degree of intimacy I haven’t allowed myself to experience before.
Key learning: Slow down to speed up. Stop putting my faith into people who can’t actually deliver. Period. If a contract seems to promise more than is actually do-able, pay attention. You know what’s really possible in what time frames. Keep dreaming into the vision, but stop dreaming when it gets down to brass tacks around implementation.
- 2019: Integration year. I’m finally ready for Ali Shanti to die, just as Alexis Martin Neely did all those years ago. And to release Alexis Neely as well.
This year, I step into the integrated whole, Alexis Katz. Ali Katz. As I do so, I get to confront the last vestiges of my own lack of belief in myself, and get another opportunity to take a stand for living fully out loud, even if it will “turn off” some potential clients.
Stepping into my integrated name, Alexis Katz, is not and has never been about hiding the parts that led to my discovery of my integrated, whole self. I don’t need to silo Alexis Katz online from Ali Shanti or Alexis Neely. My path to integration is one that will be accepted, understood and even loved by those meant to work with me, and my companies.
Synchronistically, at nearly the exact moment I fully resolve this in myself for the last time, the “hater blog” that has plagued me for years is taken off line.
2019 was a huge year of relaxing into my leadership and expanding my self-trust. I spend most of the year learning to deepen in intimacy with the man I met the day I landed in Costa Rica at the end of 2018, and laying the foundation to heal my co-dependent patterns. I significantly withdrew from community and learned to discover a next level of my own discernment.
I hired a real deal COO for New Law Business Model, and as he begins to step into leadership, I am learning how to let go responsibly. This learning is not without mis-takes. I let go too fast (again) in one case, abdicating responsibility in ways I’ve done in the past, instead of delegating with confidence. Fortunately, I was able to catch the mis-take quickly and while we won’t hit our numbers for the last quarter of the year, we’ll still do $3.5M of revenue and for the first time in my life I will handle this mis-take with equanimity and grace. And I trust the process of my growth and learning, even though the lessons are expensive.
Key learning: more discernment.
I know we are collectively being prepared for a quantum leap in consciousness in 2020 and beyond.
In service to that, I walk into 2020 finally feeling ready to own the full vision of what I believe I am here to create, in service to healing the deeply corrupt patterns built in to our legal and financial services industries.
I’ve rooted the patterns of corruption, prostitution and addiction out in myself to the degree where I am able to see clearly how our financial and legal systems perpetuate these patterns. I understand where they come from and why, and I’ve created the foundational business models and training programs to educate ourselves and our communities, and to support our legal and financial advisors to do the right thing by the people they serve. I still need to build quite a lot of infrastructure around all of it, and this feels daunting, yet doable, when I just keep taking the next right indicated step, and use my own work and tools on myself.
While I am terrified by the size of this vision, it’s also the only thing I feel inspired enough by to keep me from just devolving into hedonism and a life of travel and self-indulgence.
I trust that I’ve been being prepared for this for my entire life, and it’s why I’m on this planet. I’m sure some will call it hubris, but I definitely wouldn’t say I have excessive self confidence around my ability to achieve any of it. I have to remind myself daily that even if I never do anything more than share my journey to discovering the corruption within myself, share the meditation I created to heal it, share the work of the Money Map and continue to work with the lawyers I train, it’s enough. And, if I can take it all the way to the next level, it will be gravy.
So, this is me. If you read this far, I hope there was enough here for you to make it worth your time. If there wasn’t, I imagine you didn’t make it this far. If you did make it this far, and you still think it wasn’t worth your time, I suggest you look at why you kept reading beyond the point that you recognized I’m not a match for you, and reconsider that maybe I am, and there is something deeper you have yet to see clearly.
I look forward to what’s next for us. ❤