Will You Keep Chasing Success or Finally Experience True Fulfillment?
Resolve internal conflict by integrating all of your parts.
You can achieve all the external success in the world, but if you are compromising parts of who you are to have it, you will never be fulfilled. The internal conflict between your parts will keep you in a perpetual struggle. And you will likely keep sabotaging any success you do have, until you figure this part out.
I wish someone had shared this with me in a way that I could have understood it before I had to go on a very public, and sometimes humiliating, hero’s journey to figure it out for myself. But, the truth is that even if someone had said the words, I probably would not have known what they meant or how to actually live them in my life, without having the experiences I did.
My hope is that by sharing my story, you can shortcut your own journey on the path to personal fulfillment, perhaps feel less lost and confused than I did along the way, and get on with the real reason you are here on the planet at this time.
After spending years fantasizing about escaping my life as a lawyer and business woman, I finally did it. I moved to a farm, let everything I had created go, and filed bankruptcy.
But, escape wasn’t the answer to my fulfillment either, though it was a step along the path of finding out what is.
What I got to see in my year of indulging my escape fantasy is that for me to be truly fulfilled I would need to find a way to embrace the full spectrum of me — lawyer, mom, and, yes, “priestess” too. I couldn’t walk away from any of the parts that make up the whole of who I am. I’d need to find a way to be all of it.
If I was going to be able to experience the kind of success that is truly fulfilling, and stop chasing false metrics that only lasted moments before they evaporated again into the wonder of whether I would ever truly be satisfied, I’d have to find a way to integrate it all.
As long as I was cutting off parts of myself so I could fit in, or “be successful,” I never would be satisfied, no matter how much “success” I created. And, if you are hiding or cutting off parts of yourself in order to be successful, I don’t believe you will ever be satisfied either.
You can either keep chasing success, and coming up empty, or find true fulfillment by getting into right relationship with the truth of who you are and how you want to be in the world, and then building your success on that foundation.
In my year of escape to the farm, I came to understand that I was born into this life, at this time, not to run away and hide, but instead to become a living example of how a woman can be her full range self without compromise.
Today, I get to be an in demand lawyer serving clients I deeply love. I get to train lawyers on a new law business model I created. And, I get to be a new paradigm business priestess, and a mom, too.
Before I figured out that I could be all of it, though, I was so very confused and didn’t really believe it was possible. Surely, I would have to hide parts of myself, or kill them off, or pretend they didn’t exist because they were clearly unacceptable.
From this belief set, I almost walked away from being a lawyer and serving lawyers altogether.
My lawyer mind was extremely sure that the “priestess” part of me was unacceptable to the lawyer world. And, I couldn’t bear the thought of having to hide the “unacceptable” parts of myself, so I decided I would just walk away from the lawyer parts.
Many of the gurus of marketing and branding I spoke to when I was in this consideration seemed to be suggesting I should do exactly that. They said I’d have to “kill off” the part of me that represented my lawyer self to fully inhabit my priestess self.
Or maybe that’s just how I heard it, and it’s not what they meant.
Either way, I truly considered it.
It got so confusing to me at one point that I almost gave away my entire business that serves lawyers.
Fortunately, in the moment before I was about to sign the piece of paper that would have transferred 100% of my interest in all of the work I had created to serve lawyers, I had a moment of clarity — a voice screamed in my head, “Alexis, wake up! Don’t do it. There is another way.”
Thank God, I didn’t sign the contract to transfer everything I had created to my well-intentioned team member. I kept the business, forgave the team member who was seemingly trying to take it from me in my time of confusion, and trusted it would all eventually make sense.
Today, it does. It took years for it all to become clear. And along the way, I seemed to leave myself breadcrumbs that I hope can become the breadcrumbs you have been looking for as well.
For example, many years ago, when I was re-constituting my businesses, I named my holding company “It’s All Happening”, so I would remember. Naming a business entity with a mantra can be very helpful for those of us with big visions, and a pesky habit of forgetting important pieces.
Remembering that “it’s all happening” has kept me going through some of the most confusing bits when I most wanted to give up. Knowing “it’s all happening” brought me patience when I thought I couldn’t possibly make it through the next hard thing.
Perhaps this article will be a breadcrumb for you. A waypoint along your own journey to remind you to keep going. Keep seeing that Life is here for you, and whatever is happening right now is to show you something important that you’ve come here to see.
If that is the case for you, the reminder for you in this moment is …
the path to your ultimate fulfillment is to integrate all of your parts and live your most authentic, true self, without compromise.
You don’t have to hide any parts of yourself, or compromise the truth of who you are, to be successful. It’s just the opposite. The path to your true fulfillment is integrate all of who you are, without compromise.
If I could do it — lawyer, priestess, business woman, mom — so can you.