Could Your Ex Be Your Next?
Is it better the devil you know or doomed from the beginning?
An ex is a tricky topic to blog about because there are so many variables attached to them. An ex could be ONLY the last person you dated/slept with/had some sort of emotional connection with but, like me, you may group all that have gone before — the entire army of men or women that have risen to the rank of ‘I recognise that we had something but it wasn’t enough’. See for me, I am not fussy because if I dated you, slept with you more than once and/or had some sort of “relationship” with you, you have been knighted as an ex.
When I recently asked my friends what they missed about their exes, I was bombarded with the overwhelming response of “nothing”. I find this alittle hard to believe but who am I to judge? Consider my judgy eyes turned off! But come on…nothing?? I would have figured that in the time spent with another human being (and some were together for an awfully long time), that there would have been something, perhaps idiosyncratic, about the talent that drew you to them in the first place and furthermore, what kept the wheels in motion until said wheels fell off. I should also point out that I only spoke to women about this. All the men ran away — in droves — to avoid answering. Or they just didn’t care. I’m going with the former to prevent crying myself to sleep at night.
But back to the topic at hand — don’t get me wrong, I had some excellent emotional responses such as;
“I miss his daughter”
“Let me see from my first ex I miss going camping from my second ex I miss his cuddles”
And I had quite a few privately message me to say they too missed the intimate connection with their former lover. Sex seemed to be the biggest winner and unsurprisingly, the singles were a fervent responder clearly indicating that they desperately needed to get under someone in order to get over them! Nahhh just kidding — but seriously, try it cause it works ;) Anyway, I was meditating recently and in the dreamy state I was in, a conversation that I had with an acquaintance made me ponder the possibility of second chance love. Could you really make it work with an ex the second time round? Would you need loads of time between when you first rocked each other’s socks or could it end up being that ‘oh god I made the biggest mistake of my life because you are the part of me that holds my heart together so I will run through station, searching the platforms, mistaking someone else for you only to realise they don’t share your gorgeous smile but finally, just before you board the train, I find you, fall deeply into your eyes and tell you that you are the only exception’. Wait …sorry, that was my fantasy.
I have a few exes, some I am still acquainted with, some I am not. Some were just batshit crazy and still drop me a random annual inbox to say ‘in case you thought I’d forgotten about you, I haven’t’ which is a little off putting in a stalkerish kind of way. Let’s just say there is definitely no candy in his van. But still, I do miss his love song dedications and the poems he used to write me when he wasn’t attempting to suffocating me with his need to constantly be touching me. Think ‘overly attached girlfriend’ but change her to a him. How sweet. And then there was my favourite ex because we met in such an unconventional way, to this day it’s still a secret between the two of us as to how we met. We will never tell so don’t ask haha. But he was the complete opposite to me at the time as I was shy and afraid of taking risks and he was like a tornado that lived life on the edge. He was a bad boy but treated me like a princess (who could blame him really) and even after we broke up, we remained friends weaving in and out of contact.
When I reminisce the good ol’ days, I can easily pick out the things I miss about most of my exes but given that I dated them more than 15 years ago, I didn’t have any real emotional bond or ‘true love’ because honestly, I wasn’t equipped with the skills to navigate those feelings let alone, dive into adulthood and all its mess so early in life. The majority of what not only attracted me to the opposite sex back then is exactly what I am attempting to avoid in adulthood, namely the immature, dysfunctional and inept episodes that manifest throughout the life of a relationship. With that said, some of the qualities I craved back then have been retained in the recesses of my mind and I find myself falling back to those when I spot lad who has gorgeous eyes — definitely a “this makes me go weak at the knees” moment which is similar to what happens when there is a sale on makeup. Actually who am I kidding, it’s exactly the same! Don’t buy me dinner, by me Anastasia Beverly Hills please. Thank you.
Getting back to exes, I am of the opinion that you need to very carefully consider what not only brought you together in the first place but also what made you part ways if you are entertaining the idea of rehashing old ground. If your break up was less amicable and more Miley on a wrecking ball, you need to think that shit out a bit more because honestly, the pain will be more intense a second time round if things don’t go according to plan. But if you and your ex are open and honest about what didn’t work and can communicate with one another without attack, good for you. Also, the ability to undress each other with military precision and not feel at all awks is just one of the benefits with dating an ex. The talent to know what drink or food they’ll order if running late for dinner is another. Remember how I said “don’t buy me dinner”? That only applies if you are taking me shopping for make up so feed the woman some lamb shanks or prepare for divorce because I am the Snickers woman; I get angry when I’m hungry and even worse if you don’t have makeup as a back-up plan!
So, my pretties — go forth and redate your ex mate and decide your fate. But before you set off on ye hot sex rampage, just think about what the consequences could be and how well equipped you are to deal with them if it fizzles out. Your emotional wellbeing has to take priority over your primal urge to bang someone’s brains out to Pony by Ginuwine because no matter why or how much you miss some one, the AF (As Fuck) is not a unit of measurement and cannot drill down to what lies beyond the sex. Could your ex be your next? Yes but prepare yourself for the ride (pun intended).
Until next time xxx