Image from Melodi2

How to lose a guy in 10 minutes

Are you over thinking yourself out of the race?

This subject could be a little touchy to some because it may just hit home that neediness isn't next to godliness (sorry ladies, that’s cleanliness) and when we reflect on relationships past, we discover that at some stage in our lives, we managed to scare away a guy by over thinking every single detail at the beginning instead of letting things evolve naturally.

We seem to spend so much time and effort developing both platonic and romantic relationships that it’s hard to imagine that we could do anything to make someone say ‘oh hell no’ but if I have learnt anything over the years, it’s that over thinking ruins potential relationships.

You see, most women are at best, emotional creatures who need to feel wanted. If we happen across a possible mate, we want their attention all the time. We expect contact; phoned, texted, poked and prodded on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram….nothing is sacred. We want the good morning, good afternoon and good evening. We expect that you want to know as much as we want to tell you. We want the whole nine yards and then some. Even when we take the high road and play hard to get, we still want to be chased so if this doesn’t occur, a sad middle child of emotion called ‘rejection’ falls to the floor and has a tantrum kicking and screaming.

As most good things start, in the beginning, there was eye contact and an exchange of smiles with that special someone – a woman’s brain faints like a 13 year old at a One Direction concert as tiny fireworks explode inside her chest. Her heart beats quicker the closer you get and if you look carefully into her eyes, you will see her pupils dilate – a clear indicator that she finds you attractive. And here in lies yet another problem….ladies, please listen to me when I tell you that men, during the first physical contact, are not swept away by your intelligence. The moment that guy sees you, there is something about you that makes his brain say ‘hello what have we here’ or ‘I’d do her’… Shocking isn't it…there has to be something about you ie. Your boobs, ass, smile, eyes, hair, dimples, hips — something that makes him look and look again.

Of course, this doesn't mean you need to look like Miranda Kerr crossed with Megan Fox, it just means that each guy has a different taste in what they see as ‘possibility’. For example, I happen to know a guy who is keenly interested in curvy women. He is all about the bass if you catch my drift and also loves boobs – his two areas of attraction. Another guy I know loves slim women with nice bright eyes. There is no wrong or right at this point in time, its pure luck if you have what he finds attractive and vice versa. From that moment onward, you are entering the personality zone.

The minute you open your mouth, you are inviting all sorts of opinions to be created about you. For example, if you sound like a Houso (for those who don’t know, that is a woman whose name is most probably Shazza and she is more than capable of coward punching the crap out of you) then you are more than likely going to leave your potential sexy friend confused, scared and wishing he hadn’t left is wallet in a conspicuous place. That is, unless of course your name is Dazza, then welcome to heaven my friend. However, if you play it cool, calm and collected and manage to exchange contact details with a promise to call in a few days then you are a step closer to getting on the train leaving Singleton.

Fast forward a couple of days and you are getting dolled up for your date to a fancy restaurant or a casual meal of Thai in the hipster part of town (if he takes you to Maccas, run away) and you are looking so freaking gorgeous in that new outfit you can’t help but strut down the street with more swag than Iggy Azelea. The date goes well, you swap intros about who you are, where you came from, what you like and dislike. You agree with his points of view, laugh at how funny he is. You mutually decide to meet up again. It’s beautiful really. All is good and perfect in the world. But wait, can you hear that?

It’s a strange sound, it’s like a drum going off inside your head but it’s not. It’s actually the sound of commonsense leaving your body, in a rush, slamming a freakin door on its way out. And before you can stop it mid stride and drag it back to its required location, it’s jumped on the bus and hauled ass outta sight. Life without commonsense begins with you waking the morning after the date with the sudden notion that you haven’t received a text from him in 12 hours. You ask yourself ‘how could this be’ and quickly send off a ‘hey it was great to catch up last night’ text. No response. 35 minutes later you begin to become concerned that he may have been murdered by a taxi driver so you fire off another message ‘hope we can catch up again soon! ☺. 20 minutes later you get a response of ‘hey, yep it was great, catch up again for sure’. Excellent, that should appease the brain. And then suddenly, you realize there is NO smiley face….wtf….suddenly your brain, free of commonsense, begins to question everything. He didn’t set a date for another catch up, he took an hour to respond, he is sleeping with someone else, he isn’t into you….awwww you poor thing, you need to stop…you are behaving like a stalker and let’s face it – ain’t nobody got time for that!

Get your shit together and take the message for what it is and I’ll tell you why. If you don’t pull it together now, it’s going to get out of hand and you will begin to NEED more contact – you will require validation for every message you send. You will begin to question why he doesn’t answer every call. Now, I’m not saying that you will 100% evolve into a crazy biatch but if you take the time to recognize the signs of this affliction, then you could potentially save yourself the pain of the ‘your great but’ friendzone conversation.

In the end, the old adage of ‘be yourself’ sits well and true. Your gorgeous smile that attracted him in the first place, along with your wicked sense of humour that made him laugh is all that matters in the first instance. When developing a relationship, it’s completely natural for both parties to want as much time apart as they do together. Remember that before this person met you, they had a life, ok it wasn’t nearly as fantastic until you came along, but it was a life none the less. You need to allow them space to get to know the real you. And you need to allow the benefit of the doubt to come into play and don’t harass via text or social media.

In the end, you are a smart woman. You know not every guy you meet is going to be a suitable match for a relationship but why ruin the chances by overthinking every last detail? If you be yourself and show that you are confident in who you are then, hell, a guy would be stupid to reject you. And if he’s that stupid, he’d probably have taken you to Maccas and I already told you what to do in that case!

Until next time x

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