So I’ve sent him 50 messages, why won’t he call? 3 things you should know…
I recently posted a status about how completely confusing men are because I am just never quite sure how to keep them happy. My dear brother in law responded with what I thought was an honest, raw and typically male answer; have sex with them on a regular basis, feed them, ensure their favourite food or drink in the fridge and give them some free time and they are happy. Simples!
I applauded this straightshooter as he also pointed out one very important puzzle piece — women overcomplicate everything because we seem to think that there is more to men than just that. By some force of nature, a guy can’t just be happy with the black and white, when they don’t react the way WE expect them to we are suddenly attempting to dissect every fibre of every word and action. Now ladies, correct me if I am wrong here but, I think he is right. Before you go throwing your stilettos at me or find the ugliest picture of me to post on Facebook, I need to be clear that I agree with him because that’s what I do best. I am not saying that you are all like this but let’s face it, if multi-millionaire cray cray Tay Tay has boy troubles and needs to bare her mortal soul on an album because she can’t work out what the fuck she’s done wrong, then you best know that we lady commoners are just as shit at simplicity.
Let’s face it, if BIL is correct, guys just want someone who they can trust, is laid back, shares some common interests, have a laugh with, eat with (I said “with” calm down) and make love to …nawww that sounds bewdiful! And to me this all makes perfect sense because on the whole, us girls are pretty much looking for the same thing too but what I have come to find is that BIL’s has described what I would call ‘Stage 2’ advice because put simply, that’s what happens when you are IN the relationship. I think the part us girls stuff up the most is the pre relationship phase because we tend to go in with our hearts on our sleeves and our common sense gets up and leaves us high and dry. We fumble our words, misunderstand replies, crave constant attention for the purposes of feeling validated and start to overanalyse every text, non-response, Facebook or Insta like etc. etc. We go next level crazy to the point where one ends up with ‘analysis paralysis’. This is where you analyse a situation so much you effectively freeze all prospects of rationale.
This leads us to playing the victim — think “I have had such a shit day and he clearly doesn’t care because although I haven’t actually told him I have had a bad day, he should telepathically pick up on my signals and fucking call me” or the prisoner (aka slightly crazy) “I messaged on him a smiley face this morning and he didn’t reply and it’s been an hour WTF?? Right, I am going to send another 10 messages just in case he’s dead” …these girls are the ones who stalk messenger to see if their message has been ‘seen’ and god help you boys if it has been & you didn’t reply. You have unleashed the flying monkeys..
Girls, ladies …did you ever stop to think that maybe he is busy? That perhaps in some alternate universe he may actually have a job or a hobby or even, god forbid, some friends that he is interacting with? He may …..drum roll please…………. Have a life. Ok, you can pick yourself up off the floor now but before you start on your very own Eat, Pray, Love adventure to cleanse your moral souls of the compulsion to stalk your boyfriend to be, take this with you:
1) STOP being so needy! 95% of guys want you to come into a relationship with your own decorum, your own beliefs and your own brain. Be strong and proud of the woman you are and all that you have achieved and keep on kicking arse in life whilst dating because in the end, you don’t stop being you just because you potentially have a boyfriend which leads me to the next point;
2) DON’T obsessively text or call him. Guys like space and if constantly barrage him with messages, he’ll never know what it’s like to miss you. If you are a compulsive messenger but don’t seem to get many in return, one of the best experiments you can conduct is to not message him. Just stop for a few days and see what happens — if you don’t get a ‘hello how are you’ message after 3 days but you know he looks at his phone regularly, you should probably question if it’s all a bit one sided. But if he does message you, I guarantee you will have a smile on that pretty little face of yours.
3) NEVER let a man tell you how you should be loved. Only you know what you expect and deserve. I need to be clear about this — if a guy is constantly telling you he hasn’t got time to see or speak to you but seems to booty call you every Friday at 2am; you know exactly what you are to him. If you aren’t happy with that arrangement, you have every right to lose him quicker than Britney Spears’ 2004 marriage.
I guess what I am trying to say is that we spend so much time over thinking, over analysing and ruining what we should just let evolve naturally, organically. If a guy really likes you, he will, in his own way, try to get closer to you so don’t scare him away with your own insecurities. Enjoy the gentle journey over getting to know someone and leave the Facebook stalking to the professionals aka sad bloggers ;)
Until next time xxx