In a world full of communication, communication is what’s missing
Technology has made our lives easier. Apps such as Whatsapp, Telegram, Wechat, Facebook, iMessage, etc. have transformed the way we communicate and made it extremely easy to get in touch. Technology has enabled us to live-share locations, let others know when we’ve last been seen online and acknowledge read messages.
Think about it, even without a single message sent, we still communicate tons to the outside world:
“Yo, where are you” is obsolete because we have the ability to see in real time where our friends are.
“Yo, did you get my message” is irrelevant because there is a checkmark that tells us when our messages have been received and furthermore, if they have been read.
“Yo, still alive?” gone too, because as long as we see “last seen x minutes ago online” we know he/she are still alive.
And this happens without us even breaking a sweat. Not a single question being asked, not a single message being sent, not a damn thing.
All fine and dandy, however this new way of communication has opened a damned Pandora box in our minds. Texting is a very intimate communication channel but at the same time is also very distant, enabling us to have live conversations while excluding body language or facial expressions associated with it.
Furthermore, it gives us the freedom to respond to messages at our own convenience, thus breaking the “live” face2face communication style (if you were to be standing next to the other person you wouldn’t introduce any pauses, not unless you want things to become awkward right?). This new communication recipe means that texting can be convenient but confusing. Especially in new relationships where there is no previously set anchor, i.e. behavioural pattern to compare against.
Another problem with texting is that it provides us with sufficient time to measure and evaluate one another’s behaviour. It gives us sufficient time to start asking ourselves questions that normally shouldn’t even be necessary: “Did they read it?”, “Are they online?”, etc. And if this wasn’t enough, we then take a step further by “investigating” the texting cadence of our partner: “too many messages” is not good (shouting desperate a mile away), “too little” also not good (possible lack of interest?)
The only way to break this vicious circle is to understand that people communicate differently and try to find a balance between your own personal communication style and theirs. One solution to achieve this, is to apply a communication style and cadence that you are comfortable with and ensure that you can keep the same rhythm moving forward.