Ever heard of men getting this treatment at work?
Yesterday I was chatting with a male colleague who I like and respect very much. The question on the table was “What’s the worst thing a boss has ever said to you?” Our answers were so starkly different, that I realized my career has been filled with moments that my male colleagues have probably never had to endure.
The hand prints
At my first job in a law firm, my boss showed me the hand prints his girlfriend left on the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the gorgeous view of Miami. He then smiled at me and said “What position do you think I got her in for those to happen.” I shook my head, said I don’t know, and went back to my desk.
The ass grab
I worked as an office manager for a PR firm in my early 20s. The culture was old-school and male driven. One day in the mail room I was sorting faxes (dating myself here), and our EVP walk by and gave my ass a quick grab, then walked out. Two other young women were in the room when it happened and we all stood there slack-jawed.
Getting called a cunt
At the same agency, I was in charge of our computer systems and servers (pre-Y2K). While I was on a weekend camping trip I got a call on my cell phone at 11pm. It was the CEO of our agency, he was drunk and his VPN was down. He snarled “You fucking cunt, why isn’t my computer working?” I explained that it was likely his internet connection, and got him off the phone. On Monday he apologized.
Shear Madness
Same company, same CEO. Asked me to go on a date with a friend of his who was in town. I’d have a nice time he said. We’d go to dinner, then go see Shear Madness. He said his friend was about 30 years older than me, but he was a nice guy. I said no.
Pantyhose and heels
In 2001 and I interviewed for a private government contractor in Alexandria VA. It was an administrative role that I was qualified for, but early in the conversation the interviewer let me know that I would be required to wear pantyhose and heels every day. I excused myself shortly thereafter.
The lunge
Different job, I was in an elevator with a coworker. Once the doors closed he said “Fuck it,” lunged at me, and attempted what he thought would be an amazing make-out sesh. I ducked down and just said “NO.” What’s crazy is if he had asked me out to dinner, I would have said yes.
The threesome
On a business trip with a group of coworkers. While at a bar after a successful event, one of my colleagues suggested a find a girl in the bar to take back to the hotel for a threesome. I said no, went outside and smoked cigarettes in an alley.
The hookers
Once while in Las Vegas for CES, I was having lunch with a powerful man in publishing. He told me how much he loved Vegas, and it’s hookers, then chuckled to himself.
The toilet
While working for a major newspaper, I was managing a press tour which involved a cross-country trip on the corporate jet. I was told the flight was full of executives and I’d need to sit on the toilet for the duration of the flight. I asked if I could fly commercial instead.
The pregnancy question
Later in my career, I was asked by my boss if I was actively trying to have children. His reasoning, he was restructuring the company and wanted to know about my family planning so he could determine my best path for leadership. I said “ If you want to know if me and John and actively having unprotected sex with the goal of having a baby, the answer is no. But that’ll change.”
The staying at work question
When I did get pregnant, this boss would repeatedly ask me if I was planning on staying at work. He’d ask me in our check-ins, he’d ask me in front of large groups of coworkers, he’d ask me in 2 am emails, he asked me on maternity leave.
The breast pump incident
My first day back at work after maternity leave (Spoiler: I came back), I was pumping breast milk in my office’s Health Room. 11 am specifically. I got a call on my cell phone from an EVP demanding to know where I was since I wasn’t at my desk, and letting me know I was needed immediately. I asked for 20 minutes, and when he pushed back, I had to explain why. I then unsuctioned my breasts, cleaned up, push my shirt back on and walked into his office with my head held high.
The crazy question
When I was back at work, as a new mother I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Thyroid Cancer. I was a mess, understandably. Clearly having trouble balancing my health and work, my boss once asked me if I was ok, then tapped his head with his finger in the international sign for crazy-pants, and said “You know, are you okay that way?” His question wasn’t compassionate, he was trying to place my emotional state in his organization. And I truly felt like a crazy woman who wasn’t going to make it. I quit a few months later.
Today, it’s all good. I have a great job with smart people who just want to get their shit done and go home. We’re all grown, and know how to act around each other. But I think often about how fucked up it is for women who work. And how my stories are just a sliver of the garbage some people have to deal with.
