Appeals Court Offers Suggestions On Other Bans They Would Like To Block

Will the biggest baby be allowed to ban babies?

Having dismissed once again, a travel ban targeting people of Muslim faith, the federal appeals court on Thursday opted to create a ‘hit list’ of other political agenda positions that they will refuse to support.

The Virginia-based court of appeals has listed several things they fully intend to dismiss if the present administration should offer to instate said bans into law. “This will save tons of time, and money, maybe even enough to pay for a weekend at Mar-A-Lago” said spokesperson Dennis Mensch.

Although many more ideas are expected to be considered, the following is their first draft of a working list:

We will strike down any ban on entertaining videos of hand swatting

We will strike down any ban on white house visits by other world leaders who ‘have the best words’

We will strike down any ban on casual office Fridays where Trump neckties are mandatory

We will strike down any ban on non-solid gold toilet seats

We will strike down any ban on pets or any cute animals that display their superior humanity

We will strike down any ban on Hollywood celebrities that are above C-listed status

We will strike down any ban on spheres of any kind that do not look like sparkly, Tesla Death Ray shooting spheres in the hands of Super-villains

We will strike down any ban of universities, colleges, or technical schools that are not Trump University, and similarly reject bans on the ‘elitist’ graduates attending there

We will strike down any ban of crying babies, unless it’s a man-baby ban

We will strike down any ban on Vegetables being replaced by Trump steaks and/or vodka to be served in school lunches

We will strike down any ban on reporters asking non-fawning questions

We will strike down any ban on open entry ways, rejecting any version of one that is actually just a locked steel gate, that is clearly still a wall pretending to be a gate, to be funded by small, impoverished children (somehow) spinning hamster wheels

We will strike down any ban on reading, even if it’s just Sarah Palin pretending to read

We will strike down any ban on human-hued make-up and natural hair styles

We will strike down any ban on censored news stories that are not bat-crap bent Sean Hannity conspiracy style, bonkers buffoonery

We will strike down any ban on women who can talk, think, or that are not solid ‘tens’

We will strike down any ban restricting all accredited, practicing and/or former physicians, who are not oblivious nincompoops, and/or Ben Carson

We will strike down any ban on fact sheets, or documentation, concerning actual people who died today that were not killed by any of the following, whether individually, or en masse: grizzlies, wall street rules, gun restrictions, immigrants, pollution regulations, and/or Rosie O’Donnell, Hillary Clinton, and/or Meryl Streep

We will strike down any ban on leaks of stories that cascade, sieve-like, from allies, enemies, White House staff, and/or former colleagues that are found dazed and crushed under buses

We will strike down any ban on photos of Bernie Sanders interacting with birds, bros, folk-singing western balladeers, and/or peace-niks

We will strike down any ban on world leaders who may still retain a shred of decency being invited to state dinners, even though they are not ruthless, inhuman despots

We will strike down any ban on science research that concludes that clean air and water are okay

We will strike down any ban of holiday greetings that do not refer to Jesus Christ, or Donald the Great

We will strike down any ban of tweets, twitters, trolls, texts, or twixts (yet to be invented) that originate in accounts other than that of the POTUS

We will strike down any ban on gender-neutral bathrooms

And finally,

We will strike down (not as in a ban, but in a constitutionally relevant, articulate, and professional, legal and persuasive discourse) strike down Ted Cruz, Steve Bannon, Mike Pence and/or any politicians who seem innocuous, but are really a dangerous affliction from below the abyss of swamp-water hell

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