Life is in Session
It’s always good to start off with a cliche:
Right now, this instant, will be the only thing I ever experience.
Everyone knows it. But unless I think about it often, I forget it.
I forget that this is it, this is my life.
As I type these words, each moment that I’m experiencing, is my life.
Weather I’m completely present, absent in thought or in a place of numbing, time still goes on. Whatever I’m experiencing at a given time, is still my life.
I routinely judge my use of time as either good or bad, attaching happiness to the former and guilt to the latter. Unfortunately, habitually doing this has made me start attaching guilt to experience, while I’m in it.
What this might look like:
I have some free time. I decide to play some video games. I start playing video games. I spend the whole time thinking: “this is a waste of time” and not actually enjoying the game. Finish playing. Think about all of the things I could have done instead. Guilt, guilt with a sprinkling of guilt.
I guess what I’m trying to tell myself by writing this is, whatever I spend my time doing, be it “good” or “bad”, should be enjoyed in its entirety. If I am tired and want to watch a movie, then I should take pleasure in nurturing my body. If I am feeling full of energy and go to the gym, I should take pleasure in nurturing my body. It’s all the same.
I make the best possible decision about how to spend my time, at that time. It’s not fair to look back and say, “why did I spend two hours watching Iron Man again, think of all that work I could have done”. Because at the time, watching Iron Man was the best thing I could have done for myself.
Remembering that I am always going to make the most suitable decision, frees me from judging my experience and allows me to live my experience. Even if I don’t make the most sensible decision, that’s the one I went with at the time and I can’t change that.
I’m sure I’ll always have guilt surrounding my use of time. But I don’t want to live a life full of it. My hope is that writing this will act as a reminder to be in the moment, experience and enjoy what I’ve done and live without judgement of current and previous experiences.
“I promise myself that I will enjoy every minute of the day that is given me to live.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh