Here’s what a day being a “modern” Dad can look like (fo’ real)
I tease. It’s how I was raised. It’s part being English and part being #3 among 4 kids. And so when I read Elizabeth’s post about her busy life I teased her. Not about her life but mostly about posting on medium. It’s what I do.
Secretly though, I was loving that she put her day out there. It shows 1) how structured she can be, 2) how dedicated she is to the people in her life (both family and work teammates) and 3) how a professional who is also a mom (yes I said mom and not parent) has to juggle all of the things. What she didn’t write about was how hard it was. How she did more than her husband or her colleagues (not saying she does or doesn’t). She just put it out there. Respect.
While teasing her, I threw the idea of me writing a similar post to highlight how I’m spending my time lately. Granted, I’m not killing myself with travel these days (thank the good lord) and my work is not extracting every ounce of energy from me anymore but I manage to stay hectic and happy. My life goals drive some/most of this craziness.
A few facts to paint the picture
- I’m a father to 3 amazing children (7, 5, 2 years old)
- ^ involved in hockey, soccer (travel-ish teams… I know we’re ridiculous), music
- Happily married to an amazing woman to whom I’ve been attached in one way or another for ~22 years who doesn’t currently work for an organization paying her $ (I’m not sure I like most of the ways to say this, e.g., doesn’t work outside the home, oh she does work outside the home)
- Director of Strategy for a startup (after spending a while at Razorfish and McKinsey and some other places pre biz school)
- Have too many hobbies like woodworking, triathlons and learning how to play hockey this coming fall (sweet!)
The typical weekday (summer edition)
~445am — 2 year old screams “Daddy” (it’s more like “Da-ayy”) until I convince myself that I’m getting up (3 minutes later) (disclaimer in case wife reads this: he wakes up anywhere between 430 and 530am, today it was 430am so I tried to sleep with him for a bit)
5am — Coffee (lots), dishwasher, kids lunches (most of the time)
6am — Go for a run/swim/bike (after convincing myself to wake up my wife who has to survive a full day with the three kids)
7am — Mad dash to get ready and feed kids while my wife showers, changes, etc… And stop sweating
8am — Hop onto bike to ride to work (love bike commuting… grateful to have indoor storage at work and no dress code)
845am — Work. Meetings (internal and with our clients)/decks/slack and hopefully some 1:1s walking around outside
515pm — Start packing up to be dressed to ride home with a cycling group (we ride through the westside of chicago which is less populated with bike shops and taxis; nice to have help if one gets a flat)
615pm — Kids become “mine” (we often call it “tagging out”)!; grab some food (maybe) ok, usually a beer instead; hopefully play a bit of soccer or basketball with as few tears or ice packs as possible (hence the beer)
730–800pm — Kids bedtime; still “tagged-in” about 50% of the time… the most crazy hectic time of the day… sanity maintenance is critical
8pm — Clean dishes and kitchen while watching YouTube or listening to podcasts
9pm — Ideally hop into the garage to do some woodworking (a recent hobby that I love)… or do some work as needed… or fold laundry for hours… while checking slack, email, etc… I find it hard to completely turn off (a personal issue)
No one ever warned us about all of the laundry!
1030pm YouTube/bed (usually falling asleep to woodworking videos)
Why this works
What you don’t see are bills, PTO meetings, grocery shopping, kids homework, gardening, home maintenance, managing family calendar, cooking dinner…. and many other critical things all “owned” by my wife. I do a lot but won’t for a second claim to do my share. In addition to largely managing our family, she runs fundraising (with another) for the PTO at our kids’ school, is very present there, is a Girl Scout troop leader, and does too much for her friends (planning parties, designing invitations, etc.). Oh and is amazingly upbeat, energetic, and loving. Just that. (I’m sure that I’ve missed major things in this list).
How am I doing?
I’m a “modern” husband/father but I’m certain still have a long way to go to do my “share”. And I want to do more (at least I say so on medium) but I also want to do more triathlons, build fine furniture, invest in my career, play with the kids, go on beach vacations alone with my wife… there’s always so much to do. While I know that we’re making strides as a society toward “equality” and more leveling off in the familial roles, I’m certain we’ve still got a long way to go. Should my daughter choose to be in a committed, loving relationship when she’s older (MUCH OLDER), I hope the role that she plays in the household has little or nothing to do with her gender and everything to do with her goals, desires, and support from those around her, including her partner.
It’s not just about me
I’m grateful for my wife and my family and for my colleagues who provide flexibility and understanding when I yawn… knowing that it’s mostly my life choices that have led to this constant state of happy exhaustion.
Also, shout out to Elizabeth for her honest post, that may have made her internet famous. Let’s see how this goes.
Lean in, lean out, do the hokey pokey, or perhaps, in the words of Fat Joe and the Terror Squad, just “Lean Back”.
(apologies for grammar challenges… I opted for speed rather than precision and penned this primarily on the train. Yes, it’s raining today)