I remember the day you told me you love me back.

You made me the happiest person in the world. I just couldn’t explain it, I just couldn’t put it into words. You have no idea how much you made me happy, how much you made me smile, and how many times you made my heart skip a beat. I felt like all the sweat, all the efforts, all the long nights waiting for your reply, all the stalking, all the times I chose to skip homeworks to talk to you.. I felt like they were all worth it. Because you are worth it.

You made me the happiest person in the world.

But I had no idea that you would also hurt me the most.

Why does it feel like “love” isn’t “love” when it comes with you? Why does it feel like you don’t love me at all?

You told me you loved me but now I wish you never said it back. You told me you loved me but now I wish you never told me, I just wish that you just made me feel so.

What’s good with the words, “I love you” if I don’t feel like you do? What’s good with the words, “I’m yours” if I’m not the only one that’s inside your heart? What’s good with the words, “I care for you” when you only talk to me in convenience?

They tell me I’m stupid for protecting you… for making excuses for the things you do. For telling them you love me because that’s what you told me. But do you really love me?

Because I do. I really do. And if loving you means leaving the world I have right now.. If loving you means hurting myself, then I would wholeheartedly do. Because that’s what you do for the person you love.

But why can’t you?

Why can’t you ask me if I’m okay? Why can’t you reply to my messages like usual lovers do? Why can’t you look at me in the eyes and make me feel the love that you tell me you feel? Why can’t you act the way you usually do when you’re around me? Why can’t you hold me and forget about the world for a while?

Why can’t you tell the whole world that you love me?

Is that because together we’re living a lie of love?

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