A very personal and reflective thought about life

ok so this post stems from two desires of mine. For one, I just watched a video about answering the question ‘if you could have one wish what would it be?’. I know it sounds overly simple but it got me thinking and I came up with an answer that is changing my life direction. Before I talk about what I came to want as my one wish, the second desire to make this post comes from a feeling of letting other people down. These next few years of my life Im going to be paying attention to business and making money, which means im going to spend less time fostering good relationship, genuine friendships, and things like this. Therefore, I want to communicate to people i come into contact with and friends that might be let down by me not giving as much genuine attention and thought anymore, i want to communicate to these people something before I dive into the deep water that is building a career, leaving people behind.

Part 2

WHat I want people to know about me

part 2 has two parts.

Part two section1: The first thing I want others to know about me is my answer to the ‘if i had one wish what would it be?’.

I would wish that when people found out Im homeless they would let me know that if I ever needed a floor to crash on that I could. Then I would take them up on that offer because that would be insanly helpful. Then, we got along that my presence in their home wasnt annoying but it actually made their life more rich by me crashing on their floor because they genuinly like being around me. That is my wish and it has happened 0 times in my life as Ive let the people (cooworkers friends family members) in my life know that im homeless.

Part 2 Section2: The second thing I want to communicate to people is this. about 5 years ago I did a little thought experiment. I was working in a resturaunt and I loved the people. I loved the customers my cooworkers my boss. People opened up to me and I enjoyed being charming and nice and trying to get people to like me. Then a sort of dark shadow took over my mind and I started thinking ‘ what if I stopped telling people what they want to hear, what if I stopped being so charming, what if I was still kind and nice but didn’t initiate in taking an interest in people. Well what happened was people stopped talking to me alltogether. Long story short, no one surprises me anymore Im very very critical of people. Listen I dont give a fuck if your the best football player or money maker or ugly or beautiful or shy or suave or charming or say the right thing or innapropriate. I give a fuck if you respect people, if you take an interest in other peoples feelings, if you listen to people, if you can talk about other people and not just yourself or things you want to talk about but talk and listen to what other people are interested in. You may think this is some random emotional post that im going to get over. No, this isnt well articulated because its a complicated issue and it would require more writing to thoroughly go through but thats whats the bottom line. This is an issue I have with other people. With you. With everyone these things I just wrote bother the fuck out of me. I wanted to run away from home when i was 15 for ex…….when my dad was dying of cancer..thats how much i hated him……..he was dying of cancer and I was thinking about running away without ever talking to him again because he didnt respect me in the slightest, he didnt listen to me, he didnt care about me. Your probably going whats the point of this? why are you telling me this? Ok heres the point . I WANT TO GET ALONG WITH YOU. If your reading this I want so bad to be your friend. I wanted to have a friend who likes, listens, respects, and is nice to me every day of my life, and I havn’t yet. And now Im going to pay attention to making money so im going to have less time to work on relationships so this is my last note saying I wish we could be friends if your reading this, all you have to do is be nice listen be genuine you dont have to be charming fake beutiful or anything just genunly respect me.