Why Are We Treated Poorly By Others?

Alexander Vaughn
Sep 3, 2018 · 2 min read

The names have been changed to protect privacy.

I was recently talking with a friend (Jacob) who doesn’t get along with another friend (Eric) in our “friend group” if you will. Jacob mentioned that he feels Eric is always putting him down, doesn’t listen to his opinion and just doesn’t seem to care about him at all. We bounced ideas off each other as we tried to solve the issue. Jacob comes from a background of a loving family, his parents are happily married, and they are well off financially. Eric on the other hand, comes from a broken family. He lives with his Dad, who was imprisoned for a time, has had three mothers, lives paycheck to paycheck barely getting by, and struggles with depression. I personally believe that anyone can get along with anyone and be their friend. When I see people that fight, treat others poorly, it saddens me and I don’t understand why they do it. When someone starts an argument they are saying that their point of view is more important than the person they are fighting with. As humans we tend to let our emotions get in the way of things. I generally feel that people have a friendly love for everyone around them but because they fail to see the other person for who they are and what they can be, they assume that their own point of view is more important than the rest.

So in the case with my two friends, Eric usually likes to argue with Jacob and make sarcastic remarks. I feel there are a few reasons for this. One, Jacob gives Eric a reaction when these remarks are made, which eggs him on. Generally it is Eric who initiates these arguments. Secondly, there is a proven social theory when it comes to psychology called the “mirror effect.” When one person feels bad about themselves they tend to express it outwardly onto other people in order for them to feel normal and not alone in their situation. People don’t usually realize they are doing this. And so what is important is that we see each from our different points of view. Step into their shoes and realize why they might be acting the way they are. And when you do that you begin to not care as much about the things people say to you and you begin to feel sympathy and love for others instead. And that is what will fix any relationship. If we can do this, it will help the people around us overcome the challenges they face. Simply be the bigger person.