First Story

Telling stories is something that I am not quite good at. I think it’s a combination of many things, but maybe I know it’s because actually I am not that good to make peace with some of my past.

Before I continue, pardon me for my bad English and grammar. I just thought that maybe writing can ease my mind a bit.

Alright.

Finally, this is the first time I decide to write on Medium. Most of my writing are in Tumblr, and some short rant on Twitter. But for now, I think Medium is one interesting platform to share a bit more personal stories.

My kind of story telling might be reflecting what’s on my mind, how it’s jumping from one thought to another.

Wow, I guess that’s quite long intro.

I want to mention two recent pieces I read.

  1. About willpower and changing our life: Willpower Doesn’t Work. Here’s How to Actually Change Your Life. A piece by Benjamin Hardy.

Yes, I’m still a sucker for “how to”s.

2. About definition of success: Sukses yang Saya Kejar. A piece by Edward Suhadi.

These past few months, something personal were not going well for me, at least in short/smaller picture. I don’t know, or maybe… I want to believe that in the bigger picture the universe has it own reason. Let’s just call it “that thing”.

I am trying to feel that maybe “that thing” that shocked me is kind of reminder for my own life. And here’s some relation to those 2 pieces. “That thing” makes me keep asking:

What do I really want?

and

Do I really have clear purpose?

I can’t answer those questions clearly. “That thing” also bring some anger. I don’t even know if I can forgive “that thing”. “That thing” kind of shook my belief in a really deep level. And I can’t yet find some balance between me and my family, and then me and myself.

I do have some hopes that this kind of writing activity will help to bring me back to some better balance in life.

That bring us to some other part of those pieces I mention, which is about point of no return. I made a quite big point of no return few months after “that thing”. This might sounds cliche, but my partner stays with me after “that thing”. “That thing” that shook my belief, and also my so-called positivity. Maybe “that thing” is good as a reminder that life is not always positive. We also need the negative.

Going back to the point of no return. It reminds me how important making a decision or purpose is. The other challenge for me now, there is some uncertainty around which related to work.

For now I still can’t make that big detailed purpose that I want. But I have quite good short term decision that I want to reach this year.

I decide to keep working as good as I can, to pay the bills, make small investments, and be able to enjoy life.

That’s quite simple, and seem do-able.

Oh, I also want to learn other stuff that relates to enjoy life in my own term.

I think that’s all for this first story.