Exploring My Fears
An article written by Joel Gascoigne of Buffer resonated with me a lot. In the article, he discussed about “The Third Option” which few people talk about:
I was studying Computer Science, and all of my friends were making their choices about what to do after graduation. All events and advice were centered around either getting a job, or continuing onto further education. Those were the two options. The only options you’d find. I had other things in my mind. I was considering building my own business, creating a startup. A third option.
My First Fear
I have always wanted to take the third option. However, for me, it wasn’t just that events and advice were focused on either getting a job or furthering my education. I face pressure from my parents as well.
Being in an Asian family, I naturally have a strong inclination to meet my parents’ expectations. Their expectation for me after I graduate is to find a well paying job in a large corporation. I can understand their expectation because they are using 6 years of their hard-earned savings from working 363 days a year to support my education in the United Kingdom. Furthermore, I’m the only child, out of 3, who gets to study abroad.
Because I can understand their expectation, I feel ever more pressured to meet their expectation. How would they feel if I were to return home without a well paying corporate job? Or even worse, without a job, trying to bootstrap a startup?
This is one of my major fears in life now.
I have shared this fear of mine with some of my closest friends. My friends advised me that I should not be too bothered with my parents’ expectation nor be too pressured; I should do what I want. Sounds easy eh?
I have talked to my mom about this as well. She said that she would support whatever I do because she knows that I want to start my own business eventually, which I really appreciate! However, she also added that it would be better if I find a job and work for a few years first, to cover some of my education fees.
As for my dad? No leeway. Getting a well paying corporate job (and giving my parents allowance) is the only option for me.
My situation probably sounds pretty shitty. However, fortunately, it helps a lot that I’m so far away from home (read: my parents and society’s pressure back at home) and I am consistently exposed to and inspired by startup folks and the startup culture here and online. Most of the time, I forget my fear of not meeting my parents’ expectations.
My Second Fear
When I forget about my first fear, my second fear creeps up on me every so often. I fear that I am unable to support myself financially to work on a startup.
And I don’t want to take a regular job. Joel believes that there’s an opportunity cost of working in a regular job, which I agree with:
I have come to believe that not only is there a massive upside to building a startup, there is also an opportunity cost of working a regular job. That is to say — if you have the goal to eventually build a startup, then every moment you spend working a regular job is making you less experienced as a startup founder.
Why would this be the case? Well, firstly, let’s look at the lifestyle implications of a regular job. A lot of smart folks will graduate and have good prospects of working at in investment banking or at a consultancy, and the salary potential is very high. So you get started and you have a nice apartment. Once you get a raise, you naturally upgrade your lifestyle. You soon reach a point where you have a lot to lose by cutting your salary in half or to nothing.
Not only is it very easy to get used to the lifestyle promoted by the salary and the people you are around, you also learn to speak in a way which helps you as an investment banker, but not necessarily when you’re building a product or service for the masses. Most importantly, you are becoming an expert of something, and thereby losing the beginner’s mind which is vital to have as a startup founder.
Rob Fitzpatrick wrote a great good post, which I feel answers my fear. (It’s a short read so I’m copying and pasting it here.)
The ferry driver, the founder, and the freelancer
Back then, most people couldn’t swim, so they would hire a small boat and a driver to take them across the rivers. The winter snows were melting and the river was violent, but the passenger had no idea how bad it would be until they were out on the water. He was clutching the edges of the boat in terror as the ferry driver calmly wove between the currents and the rocks.
Once on solid ground, the passenger marveled at the driver’s calm and asked how he could possibly remain so at ease when death was on the line. “Well, I can swim,” he replied.
I think of freelancing (or any flexible money-making skill) the same way. Your startup might not work out, the boat might tip over. But knowing you can happily survive a capsize (as opposed to ending up in debt or in a job) helps you recover faster from mistakes and make smarter decisions (without the influence of undue stress) while the company is still afloat.
The sources of worry change over time (e.g. from your own financial security to that of your employees), but in the early days, personal risk is at the top of the list. Although it may not seem very scalable or flashy, learning how to make a bit of money on your own terms is a hugely useful startup skill.
Being able to make money on my own terms would allow to me to support myself financially while building a startup. Even if the startup does not work out, I would still be able to support myself and not be forced to get a regular job.
Previously, I had been busy thinking of what the next great idea would be and had neglected on investing in myself. I’m glad that a post by Dan Shipper, Why are you in such a rush?, gave me a wake up call.
The verdict: it takes a while to do this stuff. In fact, to build anything valuable will take years. So if you’re young and have no experience, spending 6 months learning skills like programming and design and sales isn’t a waste of time. It’s an investment.
Hence, I started to learn to code and now, I’m working on my writing skill. While I’m not making any money at the moment, I believe that investing in my skills is the right thing for me to do now. I hope to be able to freelance and make some money with the skills I have soon.
A Potential Resolution
I’ve been considering a potential resolution to my fears. It’s a mixture of getting a regular job and building a startup — getting a role in an early stage or growth stage startup.
There are many advantages to this. It might meet my parents’ expectations (hopefully); I might be able to support myself financially and I would be able to pick up and improve essential startup skills.
It seems like a triple win situation. This was partly why I applied to Buffer.
However, I know that there is this tiny voice in me that says, “I will build a successful startup someday!”
Exploring my fears through this blog post has helped me understand my fears better and given me more motivation to work harder for myself. Do you have things you are afraid of too? This exercise of exploring fears might be useful for you ☺Let me know what you think.
If you enjoyed this post, you would make my day if you hit the “Recommend” button below! Thanks ☺
(This is my 6th blog post of my 30in30 challenge — 30 blog posts in 30 days. Through this challenge, I hope to feel comfortable and more confident with writing and become better at writing.
This post would be reposted on my personal blog, www.AlfredLua.com.)
