Whose Love Did You Crave The Most? Your Mother’s or Your Father’s?

Fastcompany.com

The Makings of You

Since the day you were born you’ve been influenced by several hundred million factors which forged the person you are today.

And as you can guess, 99% of these factors are outside of your control and you aren’t even aware of their sway over you as you decide things such as what cereal to eat for breakfast or what university to go to.

Today I’d like to share with you some insight on one factor which makes up ~12% of the 20% of factors that make 80% of the results in your life (see here for Pareto Principle).

Well which is it, Mama or Papa?

Your parents have an unbelievably unfair power over the formation of your identity. Since birth, we unconsciously seek to identify with the person we love the most. Why? Because we are social organisms and we have a craving to fit in and be a part of something greater than ourselves.

For some of you reading this, your grandparents or foster parents took the role of your parents. It doesn’t really matter who it was, the point is that whomever it was that raised us or was very close to us are those people who we crafted our identity to please.

We shaped ourselves into what we thought we needed to be in order to gain their approval, acceptance and love.

Think of a person whose love you craved the most as a child, who did you have to be in order to gain their love? What did you have to do to earn their approval and attention?

My friend Alan was born into a wealthy family that set high standards for him. Alan’s parents made sure their son went into the best schools possible and put him through college level courses at the age of 14 so he could have more qualifications. One look at Alan and you can tell he’s 5x more stressed than the average college student. I ask him why he doesn’t take a break and just chill once in a while; he says his mother was a hard worker and that she only respects people that work hard (he didn’t say it as explicitly as I say it!).

A vast majority of us young people are living our lives under the pretense that we’re in charge of our lives and independent thinkers. This is not true. There are so many forces at play and your parents, although they make up a large %, are only a part of it.

In Conclusion

Why not be truthful to yourself? By examining your childhood and understanding whose love you craved the most, you can get a clearer image of why you do the things you do and from there, well that’s up to you.

Call-to-action!: Was this useful to you? What could happen for you if you actually did answer “Whose love did you crave the most, your mother’s or your father’s?”

If the answer is positive, why not share this on your favourite social network or simply give it a ❤.

Thanks!