The Pilot and the Surgeon
I recently attended a seminar featuring Rabbi Yoshiyahu Yosef Pinto, whose insights into family dynamics left a lasting impression on me. During the Q&A session, a poignant question arose about nurturing a close-knit family and prioritizing familial bonds. Rabbi Pinto’s response was both profound and simple.
He began with a rhetorical question: Why do we board an airplane without inquiring about the pilot’s credentials, yet when it comes to surgery, we meticulously research the surgeon’s background, education, and experience? His explanation was straightforward yet profound.
In flying, we inherently trust the pilot. This trust stems from a shared fate: if the plane encounters trouble, both the pilot and passengers are equally at risk. This mutual dependency fosters an implicit trust; we rely on the pilot, and they, in turn, place their trust in their skills and responsibility.
The dynamics of surgery, however, present a different scenario. As patients, we are entirely dependent on the surgeon’s expertise, but the surgeon remains personally unaffected by the outcome of the procedure. This asymmetric relationship calls for a higher degree of scrutiny and diligence on our part.
Rabbi Pinto drew a compelling parallel to family structures from this analogy. In some families, parents are like pilots, deeply involved and equally affected by the family’s well-being. They navigate the family journey with a sense of shared destiny, ensuring that every member is cared for and included.
In contrast, other families might experience a dynamic more akin to that of a surgeon and patient. While parents undoubtedly care for their children, their involvement might not embody the same level of personal investment or shared fate as the pilot scenario. Their connection, though significant, may lack the depth of mutual reliance found in pilot-like parental roles.
This analogy offers a unique lens through which to view and understand the varied dynamics of family life. It challenges us to reflect on the roles we play within our own families and the nature of our involvement and investment in our loved ones’ lives.
