Wow. Thank you for taking the time out to critique this poem so well! I really appreciate your suggestions.
I do agree that I’ll need to minimise the usage of adverbs and adjectives. Just one quick note: “brumous” is a literary term for foggy/grey weather, it doesn’t imply anything acidic — at least not in this poem.
But again, I really do respect you for critiquing this poem. And I’ll try and adhere to the suggestions you’ve offered ☺