You can have it all. Just not all at once.

Until only recently I’ve been struggling with anxiety. An anxiety which would leave me feeling confused, helpless, and very low - which is in stark contrast to my optimistic disposition and natural joie de vivre. I would feel as though my life was a series of hours and I needed to accomplish everything, have everything, be everything all at once and immediately.
Being naturally independent by nature, free-spirited and enjoying the freedom and space of being alone, it’s funny to think that I felt that I needed to prove ‘something’ to the invisible audience I’d created in my mind. Many nights spent wishing I could make my mark, be somebody, prove that I was intelligent, strong, and capable of greatness. My enemy was time; I was ambitious and idealistic but my earning capacity wasn’t compatible with the ‘due date’ I’d decided on.
I wanted to study, and work, and finance travel, and wear nice clothes and… and… and… Something had to give. In fact, many things did give.
In hindsight I wish I’d spent more time in college focusing on what it is I truly wanted and enjoyed doing and what impact I actually wanted to have on the world. Had I done this, I would have spared myself from failed relationships, unfinished courses, meaningless jobs and, my greatest regret of all, years of time away from my family who are the soul source of consistent strength and happiness in my life.
I’ve learned that if you try to have everything now, you’ll likely end up losing more than you’ve gained — sometimes things you can’t replace.
So as we move gradually closer to a new year, I start my New Years Resolutions today — 12 months are 12 months wherever in the year you start, right? For most people a new year is a time to plan for MORE but this new year I am planning for LESS. I’m deciding what matters most right now and letting go of the rest.

I dedicate the next 12 months to:
- Quiet, uneventful (please!), steady and diligent study
- Self evaluation and reflection
- Acceptance
- Not planning too far ahead, and keeping those plans realistic.
- Investing the money I earn in things and activities I really enjoy (like those boxing classes I’ve been dying to take for years!)
- Loving those who love me at present without stressing over who may or may not love me in the future
You can have it all. Just not all at once.