I was scrolling through Instagram the other day, and a post from a former Bachelor contestant popped up on my feed.
She was grinning from ear to ear, her left hand pressed against her cheek, showcasing a giant rock that was most likely sponsored by influencer money.
My immediate thought was, “Do you even know who you are??”
“Have you been to therapy? Are you aware of your trauma and triggers? Or is this another serial monogamist relationship that just happened to stick?”
Was this me projecting my past self onto this happy stranger?
Probably.
But I’ll bet money the majority of people who go on those dating shows are part of the 90% that claim to be self-aware.
According to a study performed by organizational psychologist, Dr. Tasha Eurich, only 10–15% of people are self-aware.
When I first saw that stat, I was alarmed. But then I remembered the state of America today and found it easier to believe.
People are out here jumping into marriage, completely unaware of themselves.
But can we blame them?
Society doesn’t care about self-awareness.
Society praises engagements, marriages, and starting families.
They praise happy and healthy relationships.
They praise toxic and unhealthy ones too.
Why is that?
Because they don’t know the difference.
All they see is the ring, the wedding bells, the ultrasound, and collectively decide to “WOO-HOO.”
Now, I’m not suggesting we stop “woo-hoo-ing.” I’m suggesting we start putting some praise toward those who do the work.
Where’s the “woo-hoo” for someone who looks inward before committing their life to someone?
Where’s the “woo-hoo” for someone who wants to avoid passing generational trauma onto their children?
Sadly, only 10–15% are woo-hoo-ing for that stuff.
The majority of people live on auto-pilot, never stopping to question why they are the way they are.
In contrast, self-aware people carry a natural understanding of their emotions.
They can recognize how their behavior patterns impact their environment and those around them. They know their triggers, strengths, weaknesses, and limitations.
So, imagine the power of self-awareness during marital conflict.
Instead of yelling at each other, what if each person could acknowledge that it was their ego talking? What if each person could identify what it was that triggered them, and why they shut down or became quick to anger?
If each person could be more vulnerable and verbalize their feelings, would divorce rates be lower?
Who knows.
On the bright side, breakups can sometimes serve as a catalyst for the development of self-awareness.
Recovering from a split can feel like reaching rock bottom, leading people into a state of deep reflection, questioning what went wrong, how their actions impacted the relationship, and so on.
So, if two unaware people team up for life and it doesn’t work out, maybe it’s not so bad if they can gain self-awareness from it.
Post-breakup introspection can transform people for the better.
And I can attest to that.
I wish nothing but happiness for that former Bachelor contestant.
May she grow in awareness with, or without, her fiancé.
