Jan 23
Let Me Tell You About My Friend Rabbi Charlie
By Alia Salem
A shorter draft of this article first appeared on January 19, 2022 in the Dallas Morning News and can be read here.
You never know how you truly feel about a person until his life is in danger or you’ve already lost him. Saturday was no different for me.
I learned Saturday afternoon about a hostage situation from a news report. When I read the words Colleyville synagogue Beth Israel, my heart started racing. I began frantically calling and texting everyone I thought might have information.
I called community leaders, media contacts, friends. Waiting for a response felt like an eternity. Why would a Muslim woman be so panicked about danger at a synagogue you may ask? To answer that you have to know my friends Charlie and Adena.
“They are unapologetic allies for justice and are always working to unite people, educate people, and educate themselves to be the best they can be.”
Rabbi Charlie Cytron-Walker leads Beth Israel. When I saw the news that a rabbi was among the hostages, I hoped it wasn’t Charlie, and I prayed he and his wife Adena and their beautiful children were safe. As I was searching online, a text popped up on my phone replying to one of my outreaches, “Yes- it’s Charlie. Omar is there, along with the FBI and all the others you’d expect. We just have to pray it ends peacefully.”
The text was from another friend of mine, Rabbi Nancy Kasten Even through text I could feel her calming presence and straightforward approach. To say I was gutted would be an understatement.
I burst into tears feeling a maelstrom of emotions that overwhelmed me. To learn that my friend and interfaith colleague of 15 years, Rabbi Charlie Cytron-Walker, was among the hostages was surreal.
I consider the Cytron-Walkers dear friends. The last I spoke to Adena was a few months back when my calendar reminded me it was Passover. I thought of all my Jewish friends back home observing another Covid holiday and felt the urge to check in. Adena is the type of friend who you can go ages without speaking to, yet the bond doesn’t lessen in the slightest, and so exchanges don’t have to be long to be meaningful because the foundation of love and respect is already there. Any connection you have is its own brick in the house of your friendship, and after all this time our connections are just more lovely decorations to adorn the walls of our strong interfaith home.
The Cytron-Walkers are the kindest, most gentle, and loving people, who have been absolute rock-solid friends and champions not only to me but to the entire Muslim community, through thick and thin. They are unapologetic allies for justice and are always working to unite people, educate people, and educate themselves to be the best they can be. I despise this happened but I am grateful for the world to shine a light on them and their community without having to suffer their loss.
The person who held them hostage, and caused us to fear for such a loss, proclaimed his motive in doing this was to call for the release of Dr. Aafia Siddiqui who was sentenced to 86 years in prison and is serving time in a medical facility for women at Carswell Airforce Base in Fort Worth, Texas. Many people, including myself, believe Dr. Siddiqui’s case is one that demands redress for a variety of reasons which is why my grief was compounded in learning that someone would use this cause to justify wanton violence.
As a vocal supporter of the global Free Dr. Aafia Movement, I feel it is important to be clear in this moment. Ours is a peaceful movement seeking justice using the truth and explicit principles of nonviolence; we unequivocally condemn violence of any kind, and we collectively reject violence done in Dr. Aafia’s name.
We further reject any compounding motives of antisemitism or hatred of any kind. It is necessary to condemn acts of violence done in the name of a nonviolent cause, lest people get a wrong impression that the violence is welcome. It is unequivocally not ok to strike fear and terror into the hearts of anyone, especially innocent civilians.
“I despise this happened but I am grateful for the world to shine a light on them and their community without having to suffer their loss.”
Now back to my friends. To understand why this situation means so much to me, you have to really know Charlie and Adena. It’s hard to talk about Charlie without talking about Adena. They have a beautiful love and admiration for one another that they are never shy in proclaiming and one that creates a unique singularity from such a relationship. They approach their work the same way the same way they approach their marriage, completely all-in and all love.
Their interfaith work is not the kind where you gather around and just sing an empty and performative refrain of Kumbaya. It is also not the kind where you mince words to appease people or to garner favorable treatment of those in power. Rather they bring their whole selves to the work and put everything on the table. They are relentless advocates for those in need around the world and of course here at home. They are principled and steadfast on even the most controversial topics that are often the source of tension between the Jewish and Muslim communities. Even if they disagree with you, they both work so hard to understand and try to find the commonalities.
They also know that the real work of interfaith understanding isn’t only done through formal programming, but also on a car ride to an event, in a quiet corner of the room after sharing a meal, or over the phone when tragedy strikes. When I saw my friends and rabbi power-couple fairly regularly, I spent a lot of time asking questions and seeking advice of them.
I remember when I was in my mid twenties, still really green to interfaith work, I would open up these deep conversations with Charlie, me being full of questions and assumptions of course. Charlie would lean forward listening intently to what I had to say and always pausing quietly to reflect before replying with the wisdom of an old sage. He always had a gem of knowledge to share or a kind word of comfort for me that I imagine came in in handy on Saturday as did his chutzpah and natural leadership in the face of fear.
All this to say, if you are part of a faith community and you don’t have friendships and relationships like this with people from other faith traditions, you are doing interfaith wrong and your community is weaker for it. Know their stories and their hearts, speak their “language”, break bread, fight the good fight together, and go the distance. I feel so blessed to know them and so grateful Charlie and the other hostages are safe.
Because, as one article put it, Charlie is “simply a mensch” and I couldn’t agree more.
