Living alone

Just a little insight. I’m living alone for a year and a half for now. After having a partner that I live together for 7 years, I past almost last year completely lost but suddenly it’s difficult to imagine me living with someone else anymore.

Such change have a lot of increasing my self-steam. Not that I don’t miss sleep hugging someone instead of my pillow or have someone to talk about little good and bad things of everyday life, but it’s hard not having my own peace anymore.

I become to appreciate the good side of living alone, and sometimes it’s odd for others I’m not living as an usual single, since I can’t kiss anyone if not in a relationship. I already addressed that in other texts but it’s the way I like to live, dating is really stressful and I can say goodbye to the whole concept without regret and become much more happy.

I come to my home, now the furniture is the way I want, no one will blame me if I don’t do laundry and I can leave my shoes near the door without any complains it’s messy, it really helps the house stay clean. My house don’t get dirty often and I can gladly pay someone to clean my house every month without having to worry about it. I can have somethings that I can’t show anyone, can buy the things that I want, pay for animes, games, netflix, expensive computer hardware and the money is still good enough. Ditched cable TV since my partner was the only one that likes it. Have time to study things only for the sake of learning, write articles and play a lot of games. Living in another world for a while, make friends online and even offline without having to deal with jealousy, or worrying about what my partner could think of it.

I can’t cook either, but I not have to worry if my partner would miss me if I don’t come home for launch. I can loose my hours watching animes or playing games not worrying if I’m giving little attention to the important someone. Try new things, meet new people, and most important, I can be who I am. Most relationships I had was trying to make me a man or a woman. Never thinking that I can’t be neither (I’m genderfluid if you need any label).

The freedom of my personality is what makes me happy. Long hair, glasses, make up, the way I talk, act, my gender are only my concern and not someone else, and I can give up a lot for a significant other, but not this, is too much. I can’t stand someone that is pointing I’m acting, like a woman, or like a child. I am cheerful and happy as a child, I am more beautiful and confident as a woman, don’t take it away from me.

Inside my home is now my sanctuary, where I can have what I want, be what I want to be and be happy with myself. Only my cat lives with me, and she is really cute, always siting on my lap and purring, and complains very little only reminding me of give her food and making all little things she could find her toys ^_^. Not that I can’t give up a little of my freedom if the person becomes significant enough, but this time I really learn not give up of myself.

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