Are You Living in the Empty?

ARE YOU LIVING IN THE EMPTY?

That place where you are supposed to be managing it all, but are barely getting by…?

That place where mom-guilt and exhaustion and overwhelm meet in a pit of How am I supposed to get all of this done?

Does any of that sound familiar?

Let me tell you, I know that place well, and I want to tell you the story of how I climbed out of the empty and into a better life…

If you and I have never met, my name is Alicia. I’m a mom of 4, entrepreneur, blogger, podcaster, event planner, lunch packer, snack getter, and all around #magicmomma.

But today I want to take you back in time…to a time before I had that long list of titles behind my name…

Because, like every good superhero, I, too, have an origin story…

Once upon a time, I was a smiley young woman…a social butterfly…the center of my world.

I was super involved in my church — I served on the music team and taught a group of young girls, as well as a group of my peers. I breathed that life.

Then, I fell in love…

Now, I was no teenager. I was in my early 20s and in college — an acceptable age for love to bite me in the bum.

Weeellllll…long story short, at 22, my solid, stable, dependable world was flipped on its axis when I found out that I was pregnant.

Yep…pregnant…with a baby…

Now, if you’ve been following along, your eyebrows are probably risin’ high right now.

You realize that my world revolved around serving in my church and that my entire social circle was there…And, y’all, I grew up in the Bible Belt, so stepping outside of the acceptable sexual standards was very Hester Prin. I mean, no one actually shunned me, but you can imagine the big red A that I felt as I broke the news to my circle.

**This story isn’t about them, but just in case you are wondering, they were all pretty amazing about the whole thing. I mean, I’m sure their hearts broke a little when they heard the news…Because who wants to be the one explaining to people that one of the leaders “broke the rules”…But truth be told, I never felt ousted by them…I did that all by myself.**

So, I went from being the center of my world to being alone…with a baby…

Okay, okay…I wasn’t actually alone…I had Matt.

But “had” in this case, was a pretty loose term…

You’ve been wondering about him, right?

I’m sure I have you thinking that he was the bad boy type that came in on his motorcycle and deflowered a sweet, young church girl…

But, no. In fact, he was the boy-next-door to my girl-next-door, and he was pretty sweet himself.

Our biggest problem was that we were young…and dumb…and we didn’t have a foundation that was strong enough to support the weight of building a family.

So in the middle of trying to figure it all out, I quit life as I knew it…

Going to our church seemed awkward…

Being together seemed awkward…

It all seemed awkward.

But there we were. Tied together by this growing human that we didn’t even know we wanted.

And so we just got by, neither of us happy.

Matt worked…a lot…

I finished my degree…and worked a lot…

We fought…a lot.

And because neither of us knew what we were doing, we handed each other loads and loads of heartache.

Somehow I moved in with him and never left, and we began our life together as distant, semi-romantic roommates and soon-to-be-co-parents.

I mean, seriously, how could we not win with a setup like that?

Matt and I stayed together through it all, trying to make our way through the cold, barren tundra lugging around mountains of baggage that we had no idea how to handle.

Guys…I’m telling you, it wasn’t pretty.

We dealt with a host of things that should’ve torn us to shreds…

Infidelity…

Losing a house…

Losing a baby…

Losing jobs…

Being broke…

Having 3 more babies…

Trying to build businesses…

Lots of failures…a few successes…and more failures on top of those…

We spent years like this…Learning every single lesson the hardest way possible...

For half a decade, I spent my days living in the empty…just walking around in the darkness of the pit wondering if things would ever actually get better…

Then something happened.

We both started learning and growing…

We read books…lots of books.

We listened to gurus and paid for courses and both of us started to transform.

This whole process was like digging a basement under a shack that was barely standing…

But bit by bit, we began to dig…then we started to remodel what had once been a rickety house falling down all around us…

We replaced the rotting pieces with fresh lumber…and slowly started our ascent out of the empty…Matt in his way and me in mine.

And on the way out, can I tell you what I discovered?

I learned that there are 4 core parts of every woman…

And when one of those parts is neglected or cut off completely, we start to fall into the empty.

I found out that when one or more of these parts is ignored, that’s when we feel the guilt…the overwhelm…the exhaustion…where life seems perpetually out of balance…

Because when you are president of housework and parenting and dishes and bathtime and dinner and business and all the other things…

And it feels like hell when you can’t be everything to everyone and you’re pulled in 192 different directions…

❌When you feel guilty because you have to work…

❌Or you feel guilty because you aren’t working…

❌Or you feel guilty because your house is a mess…

❌Or you feel guilty because your kids ate cereal for dinner…

❌Or you feel guilty because you haven’t made time for old friends…

❌Or you feel guilty because you aren’t in the mood…

Then, my dear friend, you are living in the empty

And like I said at the beginning, I’ve made it my mission to grab you by the hand and tell you exactly how to get out of the empty and into a life where you are living a life that’s overflowing.

If we’ve met before and you’ve been to one of my events or read my blog, then you know that this is a theme I play on repeat…you can’t pour from an empty cup.

You know it.

You pin the pins and share the memes and give those videos a big thumbs up…

But you continue to stay in the empty…

You continue trying to pour into others when your cup is bone dry…and, honey, it’s exhausting…

Believe me. I know…I spent years of my life in that place and years of my life clawing my way out of it.

I used to tell myself that it was normal…

…that it was just like this for now, but that it would get better one day.

Maybe you’re telling yourself that, too.

But I’m calling B.S.

Can we all just agree that “one day” means never…?

Unless you learn a new pattern, that is.

And that’s exactly what I did. I learned a new pattern, and I want to help you to do it, too.

You see, young 22 year old me, she lived in that dark place…

I didn’t realize it then, but I had cut the power to 3 of the core parts of my being and it caused depression, plummeting self-esteem, and a full-time residence in the empty.

But slowly, as I learned to reactivate each core part of myself, I rose up, out of that place, into a life that I love…

😊Into a relationship that overcame resentment and heartache and jealousy and bitterness…

😊Into parenting that is slow(er) to wrath and more connected…

😊Into building a business that gives me fulfillment outside of motherhood…

😊Into a relationship with myself that I can be proud of and that is an example to my children of a well-lived life.

I’m telling you now, all of these things exist on the other side of the empty…

And I can teach you how to get to them.

I spent a decade of my life learning every one of these lessons the hard way so you don’t have to.

And as you start learning this new pattern…As you start following this roadmap out of the empty, you’re going to feel life start to shift…

You’ll feel yourself rise into the life you have been longing for.

So take my hand, sister…and let me help you out of the empty.

Now, I’d like to invite you to keep reading along (next time) when we are going to identify the 4 core parts of a woman and how they define who we are.

You DO NOT want to miss this revolution, so make sure you subscribe and come back to get the answers to these illuminating questions…

What parts of yourself have you deactivated?

and…

What you can do to re-engage them?