How Wanting is the Ultimate Sabotage

Ever feel like this?

A two-year old child at the store starts crying to his mother. “I want…” he begins. And so we begin the quest for things we desire, things we want to have or do. It begins early like this. A two year old doesn’t yet know anything beyond his wants and needs. He has no idea that his life will be comprised of the choices he makes.

We have to grow up. We have to stop wanting.

Wanting focuses us on what we do not have, on a deficiency, on an unresolved longing that has no where to go. When you say, “I want to take a month off to travel,” or “I want to retire at 50,” it is merely a hope that someday this may be possible. The longing stays with you, filling the empty space with more air.

What if you were to change that one word from want to choose?

Say it aloud with something you have wanted. I want X. Now say I choose X. How does that feel, in your heart, in your body and in your mind?

Want is a disempowering word keeping you groundless in an unresolved state of hope. Choose is an empowering word, one that immediately moves you into creative thinking about how to make happen what you desire.

I have been asked how I live in Ecuador for months and maintain my business then return as if I had not left. First, it’s not that way at all, although from the outside it may seem that way. Things do change for me while I’m gone. I change and the world keeps going about its business, in constant movement. But it’s also a mind shift for me.

First mind shift.

I made a choice, a decision, that this was what I WOULD do, not just wanted to do.

Shifting to I am doing this, I am choosing this, made me think of what needed to happen to make it so. I had to look at my assumptions and beliefs that caused me resistance and limitations and then I had to choose to change those so I would not be limiting myself. There is enough challenge with the outer world without limiting myself before I begin. I had to PLAN to do it.

Second mind shift.

I had to engage radical trust.

I had to believe in myself. I had to believe that I could not only find a way to do this but I had to trust my heart over all the evidence (and people) that told me this was a crazy thing to do. I had to trust my own inner voice and wisdom over the affirmation or approval of others.

Third mind shift.

Living in two places is no longer abnormal.

It is my new normal. Living outside of the USA has and continues to change me as I learn more about myself in an environment that is not always comfortable nor predictable. I have found a way to integrate the two places and cultures but that took time and a conscious effort to do so. And I’m always tweaking it too.

Cotapaxi Volcano in Ecuador

What is your new normal? There is a point in time when you realize that the past no longer determines your future. At this point you focus on creating something new and authentic. You no longer focus on what you are leaving behind. Your future becomes your present. Your present becomes your new normal.

Hope is not a strategy. Neither is wanting. Without making a CHOICE to do something you will always stay in the longing for it.

You have to choose it and that takes courage. You will have to see yourself as capable of having or doing something that you have not yet had or done. You will have to embrace your greatness over what keeps you living small. You will have to challenge yourself about what you believe about yourself and your world. You will have to trust in both your dream and your ability to make it real because you said so. Your greatest enemy is yourself and the small identity you have created for yourself that keeps you safe and comfortable. The real work is not out there. It’s in here, in you.

Give up wanting. Make an intentional, conscious choice to live on your own terms, to become the center of your Universe (in a good way). You can do it but first choose it.

Originally published at

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