I can’t even remember when it was that I was madly in love.

For the past few years, social pressure was right there — I am in my mid-thirty and I grew up in a traditional Chinese family — so it was somehow natural that I always wanted to meet a good guy, marry him and start a family. Now to think about it, my dating life wasn’t great, because I had that “interviewer” mindset.

‘Is this guy good enough to be my husband?’

With the mindset of an interviewer or appraiser, I got easily disappointed with little things. What’s worse, I gave a few more chances to some guys that I knew (the moment I saw them) I wasn’t attracted, just because I didn’t find any “deal breaking” flaws. what a waste of my (and their) time and energy.

The truth is, I want to fall in love. Madly in love. People may laugh at me, saying I’m a hopeless romantic. But I cannot deny that loving someone with all my heart is my genuine desire.

I’ve been evaluating and appraising guys the whole time, simply because I didn’t fall in love with them. I was just persuading myself with the scorecard saying this guy isn’t that bad. I wouldn’t need to wear an appraiser hat if I really like a guy to begin with. If I meet that guy (one day), I will just love him without any need to keep a scorecard or persuade myself.

I want love.