Here’s to you, Twitter…

My brother called to check-in recently. We talked about family, work, the Walking Dead, and then he asked me how I was. We spoke about my doctor, my symptoms, my side effects, and he listened, and he asked questions, and he cared.

After talking for a bit, he waited a moment, and said, “You should join a support group.”

“I know,” I said. Because I’ve thought the same thing myself before, and for exactly the same reasons.

There are times you need a group, a friend, anyone who gets it when all hell has gone lose and you’re symptomatic. And then there are those other times when it’s just about life stuff, but it’s different for you because you have bipolar disorder, or depression or OCD, and you have to think about things differently.

Like, what am I going to do with my meds if I want to get pregnant? Or, how do I explain why I won’t drink that spiked egg nog drink that is looking terrific to me right now. Or, what should my back up plan, my emergency, worse case scenario, safety net be? Because for me, that scenario is a very real thing that could hit me in the face any day now.

These are the things I think about, the things I worry about, the things I wish I could talk to someone who is going through something similar with.

And my partner gets the brunt of it, of course, they understand, they are my rock but I can’t help but feel guilty for feeling the way I feel when things are down or when they are up, or when I can’t leave the house because I’m sick, sick from being up, sick from sleeping too much, or sick from the meds.

And then there are those people, those friends, who say go to the gym. Stand in the sun. Drink some water, it’ll change your world, you’ll feel so much better.

And I think to myself, really? If that was it, that was all it took, the damn ocean would be empty by now because I drank it all with my ocean size straw.

So I put my boots on, theoretically, and I’m already to join a support group. I know they have them because before I moved to where I live now, there was one right down the street. So now I’m on the website, and I’m feeling good about it, and I type in my new zip code, and I’m scanning the locations, and I’m putting it in Google maps, and I’m checking them all, and not a single one is close enough for me to be able to go to frequently, or even at all.

And I’ve lost my nerve, and my stomach drops, and I realized that I moved somewhere that doesn’t have as many resources as I used to have. And I’m starting to feel what that feels like, and I’m starting to feel the distance from those other voices, voices like mine that I want to hear right now, that I need to hear.

And that’s one of the reasons why I started my blog, and my twitter, because every single one of your voices is important and our stories, while they may be very different, are essential to our healing, our coping, our getting on with it all. Because you may have been somewhere I haven’t been yet, and your story can help me, and you may not have been to where I’ve been. But I may able to help you, and if we meet in the middle, and we’re standing there, at least we’re there together.

And while I keep typing my zip code in, sending emails, rallying up a group, what I have to say is — here’s looking to you Twitter, to you Medium, and to you DBSA.

And since this is a time of thanks, and for being grateful. I must say that I am grateful to all of you who share your voice, who speak up, who maybe I’ve tweeted with, and those I haven’t, and those who will join twitter, and share their voices.

I am so very grateful for you because whether you know it or not, 140 characters can change someones day, make it better, turn it around, change this world a little bit, you never know.

To find a support group near you visit Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance.