Being interested vs interesting (the manipulation technique)
Being loved is an intrinsic desire. Everybody wants to be the focal point of the gathering. These cravings for being adored, applaud or esteemed are natural. But the question stands how do we get the others to show these feelings and respect to us? How do we get them to adore us and be interested in us? I believe Dr. Margarete knows and he says:
“Good givers can attract really good takers”
This means if we want the other people to like us, we must go the other way around. We need to make the first move. To take something back, invest something first. Dale Carnegie summarize this as:
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
This is a handy trick. Even if we try, we cannot mold ourselves to the desires of every other person we are trying to win. So, why don’t we stop making ourselves interesting and start taking interest in others. It is a two-way process and pretty efficient one. Now, let us link this with first paragraph; if you want to be adored, adore others. If you want to be appreciated, appreciate others. If you want their attention, pay heed to them and if you want them to be interested in you, be interested in them. The problem is what to do to make the other person feel all these things. The solution is; just flip the position. List out the things about yourself that you want other people to care about. It could be remembering your date of birth, asking you about your personal life, including you in their hangout plans etc. the next step is to start taking care of these things about the others. In your circle make sure no one feels left out, as a result, ultimately you will never feel left out. Be interested in other people, make them flatter, make them feel special and there you go, you have them in your palm.
In the Past 24 hours, I tried to put in exercise the above model. I was extra polite and asked the questions that I wanted them to ask me. The results were encouraging. After being extra nice to my friends, a classmate Zia said: “first I thought you need something and that’s why you are acting all nice but it is great to see you like this and let me know if you want anything.” The point of quoting this is that he was not willing to believe that someone could be this much nice to him without any personal gain. He even offered me his support without asking and I am not so sure that if it was not for today, he would have helped me even on my request.
To conclude this, I would like to stay that people are vulnerable to their cravings for being loved, appreciated, respected and cared. Exploit these weaknesses in a positive way to get what you want. They won’t even realize and everyone will end up happy.