Tarot cards, Co-star app, glossy mag zodiac — I read them all. I sit at my desk or on my couch shaking like a chihuahua about my life, refusing to live it, content with stressing about it. The Astro trend might be pointless, but it has calming effects. I could probably receive the same from reading a book with tea, but I prefer five cups of coffee and advice in the palm of my hand. Before I realize it, an hour has gone by and nothing about my life has change except the vast knowledge of the “future.” I fall for it every time, but the mystique has begun to wear thin with the astro app, the Pattern. The app, has given a lot of repeat advice and not in an effort to shake me by the shoulders. …

Bitchy, argumentative, loud — these are a few of my favorite and worst attributes I have heard about myself… from myself. I’ve been in a love-hate relationship with my head for quite some time. Particularly, my inner voice. Yeah, self esteem. I’m always taken aback by compliments because I don’t always believe them. I want to be cocky without knowing I’m cocky. You know what I mean? — I guess that’s called high self esteem. In my head, I make arguments for almost everything. I start make believe fights that I’m ready to take on and then never have to. Issues I’m ready to take a stand on, but never do, are lost in an abyss of suppressed emotions. …

Hey Ether-World!

It’s very hard to be this vulnerable, but many have said you cannot expect to achieve your dreams without putting them out in the open. I’d like to state that without ever having done a set at so much as an open mic, I am a stand up comic. Wow, that was difficult, but now I feel comfortable enough to ask this, please book me on any open spots you may have for future shows as long as they meet the following requirements:

  • Not north of 34th Street Herald Square.
  • Not south of Houston Street.
  • Open to Brooklyn, as long as it is in Williamsburg or Union…

It feels out of date to even mention the word “millennial,” but there is a rising trend amongst the age group that is much too powerful to ignore — not caring, while caring. A laissez-faire attitude to hold until it’s much too late and someone else, who verbally proclaimed their life’s objectives, obtains their dreams. Sometimes this rival is also a millennial, however their success is deemed as unjust, unearned and unfair.

“There is no way someone my age is sacrificing a social life or asking for help from seasoned professionals. It’s not cool to be upfront about your passions, you just need to see life through and if you get it or not,” said Peyton Smith, 25, a Brooklyn Heights resident and aspiring poet and comedy writer. When asked about her peers who have been able to obtain careers related to their passions, Peyton took a pause, opened her mouth, paused again and then proceeded to say the following, “I mean whatever, it’s not like they’re really there yet.” As she said this, her attention began to wander, she gazed out toward a mirror across the room. …

Local Upstate improv theater, the Catskill Repertory, announced to their unpaid performers that they will be holding a town hall to discuss the future of the theater. Rumors have long been circling since the questionable move to the VFW Hall basement on the border of Poughkeepsie. The tight nit Catskill Rep community is up in arms all over Facebook and Twitter due to unsubstantiated information wreaking chaos on their hobby, while outsiders are left confused.

“I told my nephew to develop a skill, something he could start his own business with. I’m not sure but I think his club is ending, so maybe he can focus on becoming an electrician,” said Marjory of Peekskill, who has only seen her nephew on Facebook in the last five years. …

I’m sitting on my couch in Brooklyn. It’s a rainy Saturday morning, I hear its cold, but I have not stepped outside. I woke up at a time to be proud of on a Saturday morning, 7am. I laid in bed for an hour watching clips from the Jersey Shore and Instagram stories from parties I either forgot about or was not invited to. I felt very fine with it. I’m at a point where I strive to be on my couch as much as possible. I’m not just on my couch, I funneling my attention to the endless options on television, writing in one of five journals that I own, YouTubing Best Actress speeches or just whatever. …

I thought the commercial made it clear, Smile Direct Club puts a smile on it’s customers’ faces. So why was this true only physically, not mentally? I must have watched the testimonials a hundred times over. People with crooked teeth, ordered this knockoff Invisalign and straightened their “smile”. They got a better smile. They could show their teeth on their wedding day. Big deal. I guess.

Okay, sure, if their depression stemmed from their snaggle tooth, then I guess their depression was cured. Smile Direct Club didn’t make this clear to me. Advertisers need to do better. Especially on World Mental Health Day. Don’t get me started on Fab Fit Fun.

I’m friends with a lot of douchebags, but a few of us have side chats and we vow to stop them from posting nonsense on social media.

To be clear, ours is not the popular “resistance” of the comments section. We want our friends to express themselves, but with a filter. We believe they have a good point for every five paragraphs of nonsense they write.

Don’t get me wrong. …

Remember those sassy chicks you grew up with that wore the funniest Delia’s graphic tees? Well, they still exist and they wear their feelings on their chest. Sure we don’t have Delia’s anymore, but we have a plethora of Etsy stores and a $10K credit card limit — so we’ll get wild with our style.

Back in the day we wore shirts with bands we never listened to, but gave off the vibe we wanted. It was too subtle. Now we wear shirts that let everyone know we’re alcoholics. …

Lizzie Maguire and Younger star Hilary Duff is putting her real life pregnancy to work in the upcoming the Haunting of Sharon Tate. Finally a real pregnant woman is going to portray iconic pregnant star, Sharon Tate.

Oscar nominated star, Margot Robbie was recently cast as the late actress in Quentin Tarantino’s new film Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. The actress is not pregnant and has never been a mother. How can this actress possibly play the movie star?

Sharon Tate’s sister Debra, recently described the Duff flick as “tasteless” and “classless.” As a Tate fan, who watches clips of Valley of the Dolls on YouTube every now and then, I have to respectfully disagree. Using a pregnant actress for a low budget film about the gruesome murder is the rawest way to pay tribute to the 50th anniversary of Tate’s death.


Ali McGhee

I'm a writer and an actor. Someday I hope to get paid for this. alimcghee.com

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