How quitting quitting helped me quit by just stopping.
I know. It sounds absurd. “Of course when you quit something you stop doing it”. But if that’s what you take away from the title then you’ve truly got it backwards.
In my opinion the human brain is not designed to quit anything. As a matter of fact it’s designed to drive down deep into whatever it is you’ve set your mind to. Your career, your family, your hobby and unfortunately, your vice.
“Every time I quit I was building a wall in my head.”
It was 20 years ago that I decided all the fits of coughing, the chronic respiratory illnesses and general bad breath had to come to an end. I decided I’d just quit. The first time I lasted a week, I had failed. No problem, I’d just quit again. The next time I lasted 3 days, again failed. It went on like this until I realized something. Every time I quit I was building a wall in my head that I expected to leave up indefinitely. I’d have to stare at it every time I thought about doing anything. Like an oppressive monolith it towered over my every thought and motivation. And then when I broke through it time and time again the rubble of wall after wall just cluttered my thoughts with the reminders of failure.
Just as we were not designed to quit we were also not designed to fail. So with every attempt I was caught in this loop of quitting and failing. Two things which went against my fundamental drive for being. I wasn’t moving forward, I was stuck.
I had had it. Enough. Enough with the quitting and enough with the failure.
So I decided to just stop. I’d stop for a day and accept that I could start back up whenever I wanted.
“People aren’t made to quit.”
That first day came and went and when I thought about smoking again I decided that I’d go ahead and stop for that moment. And with each stop I gained a little more momentum. The oppressive wall had vanished and in its place was a table with a pack of cigarettes, an ashtray and a nice comfy chair which beckoned, “whenever you want I’m here but take all the time you need”.
I had freed myself…from myself. And by doing so I suddenly had the control and the power that quitting and failing had stripped from me. I decided what I was going to do. Not society’s or Phillip Morris’s notion of what the process should be. Chew this gum, go cold turkey, “you couldn’t manage it?”, be ashamed.
It’s been a solid 13 years where the number of cigarettes I’ve had can be counted on one hand. When people ask me if I quit I easily say, ”no, I’m not a quitter, I’ve decided to stop indefinitely, people aren’t made to quit”. They often take a minute to process the info and then a universal agreement always spreads across their face, “that’s so true” they say, “I’ve never had luck trying to quit anything”. More often than not, the people I’ve helped with the new shift in paradigm come back and tell me how it’s worked for them. That taking control of something that brought them pleasure and taking away the anxiety of the oppressive wall had given them license to take extended and indefinite breaks from their vices.
It may not work for everyone but I have a feeling this method can work far better than what society would offer you. We have to allow ourselves a little grace, be realistic with the fact that our vices bring us joy and realize that the only person who can save us from ourselves is ourselves.
I may have a smoke tomorrow, I may not, the choice is definitely mine.