The End of Self-Sacrifice. The Beginning of Self-Love and Boundaries

Alise Hicks
4 min readFeb 26, 2019

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Take my heart. Take my time. Take my strength. Take my confidence. Take it ALL.

Self Sacrifice…

For years all I knew was selflessness. Throughout my high school days to my current and present adult life, I’ve been doing nothing but self-sacrificing. From family, friends and love..I have given my all in every situation. Now I’m not going to lie.. I didn’t realize I was self-sacrificing until about two years ago. I started to connect the pieces of why I was always unhappy and not satisfied with anything in my life. I had completely lost who I was because I had given all of myself to everyone else. Emotionally, mentally and even financially I had been drained by everyone around me. At first I used to find joy in helping others, being a shoulder to cry on, and supportive whenever the opportunity presented itself. But then came last year, when I got into an relationship that changed it all…

Love isn’t supposed to hurt. Love isn’t supposed to be hard. Love doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself to the person you love.

When I tell you this past year, this past relationship and my family dynamics changed my whole aspect on how I NEED to love myself. It was the most painful, destructive and toxic love relationship that helped me realized what I was worth and how I needed to love myself. It was the toxic relationship that also made me analyze my relationships with family and friends on how I needed create boundaries for myself and give myself more respect. It took destruction to break me down enough to realize I deserved better and that I can love myself all BY MYSELF.

It took disrespect, fights, arguments, altercations, hearts being ripped to shreds, breakdowns, and so much more to shake my world and snap me back into myself. Last year was push I needed to realize that no matter how much I do for others, no matter how much love I give, time I put in and effort I show, it does not benefit me. It only benefits everyone else. My selfless and nurturing nature was everyone’s advantage over me because I have a heart of gold. But I realized how numb and empty I felt because I’d given too much of myself. I gave up on myself. The breakthrough for me was having my heart crumbled into pieces by two men in my life last year: The man who created me(father) and the man I was in love with(ex). They rocked my world in the worst way and then I was awaken within..

“You are always enough”

In December, so much in my life had changes. Something within me had changed. I felt like something had awaken within me to put an end to everything in my life that was causing me pain. It was the beginning of a New Me..A NEW LIFE.. The journey of self-love and awareness came upon me. I realized that I deserved happiness within myself and to enjoy my life for ME. It was my time to learn rightful selfishness in order to grow and start loving myself again. It was my pound a boundary wall around me for everyone to see. I was putting my foot down and not allowing people to treat me any kind of way and to finally give me the respect, value and appreciation I deserved.

I also started going back to therapy to work on my flaws about myself and also learning how to be a better me for myself. I also went to therapy to learn how to process the pain and anger I was dealing with and also learning how to have forgiveness. REAL forgiveness. Letting go all of the pain and past experiences that had been hindering my growth. I had to learn to erase and move on from the past ME. It was my start to be a new and profound woman. True to me and only me. A journey of self-healing, self-worth, self-growth and Self-LOVE.

When I tell you, both women and men. Be true yourself. Always love yourself. Never lose yourself to others. If you ever feel like you starting to lose yourself, take a step back and re-focus yourself on you. Spend time with yourself. Do the things YOU love. Believe that YOU are ENOUGH. Self-Love, Self-Peace, Self-Harmony. LOVE YOURSELF.

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Alise Hicks

27 DMV Native. Girl Mom & Future Wife. Freelance Writer, Baker, and Bling Cup Maker. Faith, Love, Family.