Permission to Think About the D-Word
Taking courage in worst case scenarioing
By this point in the coronavirus pandemic, we’re past the initial adrenaline pump of newsfeeds and toilet paper procurement. Our work-from-home game is strong’ish, our family routines are settling…. we are relinquishing our calendars and selves to an isolated new normal. As long as we stay in our lanes with our trusted influencers and media sources, our attitudes stay balanced between diversion and reality.
Four more weeks, they say. WE GOT THIS, we boldly reply.
Underneath our bravado runs a background app, though, draining our courage.
We’re told to STAY POSITIVE. DO NOT FEAR. But the background app that is running spins like a refresh circle, unable to find the landing page. Searching for something. Searching, not finding.
WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THE D-WORD.
Deep inside, we know one outcome of coronavirus is death, and much of it. Dying from COVID19 stirs our core, churning up worst-case scenario thinking… and we’re advised to not focus on that part of the story. Rather, focus on prevention.
Learn how to wash your hands properly….and do it often. Stay the heck away from grandma.
Also, focus on the tasks at hand: find the blasted toilet paper. Learn to teach your children, French braid your uncut hair, cook with things you find in your freezer. Take in a walk.
But whatever you do, don’t dwell on the D-word. And so the background app refresh button spins.
What if someone told you it was okay to talk about death? What questions would you have? What solace could you receive with the information you gain?
Could your spirit find relief once it finds a landing page, a place where it can stop spinning as it unconsciously searches for the dialogue nobody is having?
They say hospice is like midwifery, just at the opposite ends of the lifespan.
Taking a page from childbirth, then, one gleans that KNOWLEDGE CAN REDUCE PAIN. A laboring woman who knows how a body works in childbirth can also know what to expect or how to navigate speedbumps, reducing fear… which then reduces anxiety and pain. In our culture, we are far more comfortable discussing pregnancy and childbirth than we are dying and death.
My guess is that many of us wish we could unpack our questions about the D-word without being judged for not staying positive, or for giving in to fear.
Though we tiptoe occasionally to the subject, we most often regard it through the lens of someone else… not ourselves. We more easily examine grandpa’s decline and the issues surrounding his death than to imagine it for ourselves. Youth and relative health help us defer the subject indefinitely… until there is a pandemic.
They say we are in unprecedented times. It’s not just because we’re deprived of our creature comforts like social proximity, or a solid economy… it’s because we sense our MORTALITY.
And yet nobody talks about it because it isn’t deemed POSITIVE or FEARLESS.
The newsfeed is scrolled with its endless encouragement, uplifting celebrity pump-ups, and perfectly crafted memes. Meanwhile, our background app circles, subconsciously looking for the conversation we crave, but nobody entertains. The D-word.
What if after all of this I die.
What if my loved one dies.
What does that look like.
Is there something I should do between now and then to prepare.
Should I think about legal stuff.
Should I think about practical stuff.
Should I consider the state of my soul.
I’m ready to open the conversation and create a space where we gently enter to the D-Word conversation. I don’t think it means I’m afraid. I don’t think it means I’m not positive. I just think if we are human, we are able to think about the lifespan… both ends of it. And like childbirth, we can feel prepared and less anxious because we’re equipped with knowledge. And like every other phase of life, we will find God there with us, providing us with the comfort and encouragement that stops the background app spinning. We can find our refresh in Him, the Author of our days.
If you’re ready, I’d like to invite you along.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me.
Psalm 23:4
