Indie films that just suck.

Oh man, I have to write this. So, after a few weeks of trying some new indie films on the likes of Amazon Prime I’ve realized that there’s a heap tonne of bad junk up there. And I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore.

So, I’m going to hit on the first indie film I saw, which was a few months ago — Darker Shades of Elise. I mean, man — was this meant as an erotic film? If so, note to the filmmakers: no one gets turned on wanting to kill themselves from boredom. And damn — that script, and that dialogue. Some of the women in this film behave as if they’ve been drugged or simply can’t say no to anything with a pulse and a penis. On that note — there’s no way this was written by a literate woman. I suspect it must be a man who wrote this. It’s just all ‘thud thud thud’, ‘that’s how you like it right?’

Then there was Robert (2015) by Andrew Jones — what a snooze. It was neither frightening, or funny… and eh, never convincing. I never believed the puppet was real, or even threatening. In fact, the only thing that really got a good response from me with this one was the handling of the film’s score. It felt like there was a bit of a pace going on thanks to the music, but it never really made it more than just a plain wash of atmosphere.

And then there’s the most recent indie I saw — Requiem for a Fighter. So, yeah — just like they say: boxing kills brain cells. Cause, sorry guys — this film is completely empty headed. For one the acting is at times solid, but well… then you get that dialogue, and meh. Does it even matter if the actors are trying to be serious? Not really. Because, guess what, every time someone says something like ‘I’m going to find’ or ‘I’m serious’, my nonexistent ball sack creeps back into me a little; giving me that groin pain.

It’s a pain really, but Amazon has delivered one shoddy experience after another. I don’t know why there’s so much ‘paid’ indie stuff on here. Mind you, what’s hilarious, is some of the free films on Amazon Prime, the one’s that are part of your subscription, don’t suck that much. So I guess one has to just dodge the paid ones, cause — love: they aren’t worth watching.