Borderline Personality Disorder Diary Entry #8

Borderline Personality Disorder is special.

Though our understanding of disability, what makes a person “disabled,” and whether or not “disability” is a social construct are still in flux, generally speaking, we’re at a point where most people at least attempt to treat folks with disabilities with respect and kindness. This goes for people with body and brain disabilities — people in wheelchairs and people with depression. You’d be hard-pressed to find someone who would unflinchingly tell their friend to leave their spouse because he’s blind, or because he has PTSD.

“End the drama.” I guess mental illness is “drama.”

But BPD is special. When I do a Google search for resources, I have to accept that many of the things I’m going to read will literally — not figuratively — say that BPD is a catastrophic illness that others should actively avoid. Every time I check Amazon for BPD-related books, I have to scroll through a bunch of titles written with the explicit intent on getting friends and family members to leave the BPD-sufferer in their lives. There are a huge number of articles, forum posts, and books that claim people with BPD can never experience truly healthy relationships, and don’t want to get better. And too often, I hear horror stories from other people with BPD who say they can’t find a doctor who will treat them, or that their doctor tells them there’s no hope.

That isn’t to say that living with BPD is easy, and that goes for everyone involved — the person who has BPD, and the people close to them. After all, folks with BPD tend to “target” their closest loved ones. But most major illnesses and disabilities present similar challenges, and yet, BPD is one of the only disabilities that’s socially acceptable to actively stigmatize.

There are several BPD subreddits, and at least one is filled mostly with people asking for advice on how to leave the BPD person in their lives. Thankfully, there’s also at least one that’s for BPD sufferers specifically, and it’s a supportive community.

It’s heartbreaking that people with BPD — people who so very badly need special kinds of support — are often denied it not because of a sad accident or systemic problem as is the case with many other disabilities — but because people believe that folks with BPD aren’t worth it.