From someone who’s sick of overbearing writers.
In late 2021, I joined a beta reading group. Since then, I’ve critiqued around 10 different authors, with stories ranging from 5,000 to 30,000 words. For the most part, giving critique has been a pleasant experience, but there have been a select few authors that have made the experience less than stellar.
So here’s five etiquette tips for writers in search of critique.
*Note: These tips are geared towards writers wanting critiques for more long-form writing, such as novels or scripts.
1. Be Specific
This is especially helpful if it’s the person’s first time critiquing, but regardless, you should be specific in what kind of critique you want. Do you want critique of your grammar, character arcs, setting, et cetera? Preparing questions for your critique partner beforehand will just help overall.
2. Don’t Force People into Giving Critiques
I’m a writer. I know how it is, being so passionate about your writing and wanting to share it with the world. I also know how it is being hounded for feedback and it is not pleasant. If they don’t want to read it, then don’t force people to read it. Begging for a critique can either guarantee a polite “it’s a nice story” or a ravenous picking apart from resentment.
In short, if they don’t seem eager to read it, don’t keep asking for them to read it.
3. Don’t Ask Family or Friends
The amount of times I’ve given a critique, only for the author to say, “Well, my friends/family liked it!” Unless said family member or friend has experience in a relevant field to your subject matter, that’s not worth much. Even if they have experience in writing or academia or whatever, there’s still a chance they’ll be soft on you just to be polite or encouraging.
There’s a saying, “One should not mix friends with business.” Not many people view writing as Official Business, but if you’re serious enough about writing to want critique, then you need people who will give you serious feedback. Search for other writers, editors, academics. Do not settle for friends and family that will coddle your ego.
4. Do Not Argue With Your Critique Partner
If people give you critique unasked, that’s another story, but if you’ve asked someone to look over your 100,000 word novel and they gave you a critique you didn’t agree with — they’re completely wrong about X, Y, and Z, they’re not taking in the target audience, et cetera, et cetera — do not argue with them.
You’re the one who asked them for a critique. They’re the one who took time out of their day to review your work for free. The best thing you can do is say is, “Thank you for the critique,” and move on your merry way if you don’t want to cause a fuss or irreparable damage to your relationship.
5. Do Not Ask For Multiple Critiques From the Same People For the Same Project
This one was on me. I was new to critiquing, and I foolishly offered to reread any drafts they made in the future. Boy, was that a mistake. Three drafts later of roughly the same story in a two-week time span and I was ready to throttle the author. The problem?
1. Struggle of Separation
First, I couldn’t separate the original draft from the third draft. Not that I confused the two; it was that the story would never be fresh from my eyes because I had already read it all. For a story to improve, it needs constantly fresh eyes and perspective because, ideally, you’re not writing to please just one person, but an entire crowd. Therefore, you can’t just ask the same one, or two, or three people for critiques, but as many as you can — (without annoying everyone you know) — to get a more balanced opinion.
2. Disagreements Over Critiques
Second, the author disagreed with a few of my critiques — which is fine for an author to do! I’ve disagreed with critiques before — but reading multiple drafts where the author pushed my critiques aside burned me out and turned me bitter. I could not constantly read a story where my advice was being waylaid, and yet the author kept sending me drafts.
3. The Feeling of Wasting Time
24 hours after giving my thoughts on the second draft, the author gave me their third draft to look at. In that third draft, the only change was two paragraphs, and some added flavor texts. The email following the third draft simply said, “Hey, am I headed in the right direction?”
Suffice to say, after having spent two hours out of my busy schedule reading and critiquing their second draft not 24 hours earlier, seeing that in my inbox made me want to scream. Now, several months later, despite still being in that beta reading group, after respectfully declining viewing their third draft and I have not touched another person’s writing since. Even now, I shudder at the thought of someone asking to critique their writing.
Takeaways
Writing is a skill and like all skills, the best way to improve is by learning from your mistakes. But the best way to learn from mistakes is to have the right professionals and to ask the right questions. Thus, writers should always:
- Be specific when asking for critiques.
- Don’t force people into giving critiques because they won’t be honest.
- Don’t ask your friends and family for critique because, again, they won’t be honest.
- Don’t argue with your critique partner unless you’re paying them.
- Don’t keep asking the same people for critiques because they’ll tire of reading the same story and skew your expectations.
