Why Are We Pitching Universal Healthcare In The Most Boring Way Possible?

Bernie, think like a marketer, not a politician.

NBC News

Old-people-care for all? That’s the best we’ve got?

You can wrap it in unicorn glitter or serve it with avocado toast, but at its very core, the word Medicare makes you think of old people.

1. Americare

Putting the word America in there instantly makes it inclusive, patriotic, and hard for conservatives to hate. Awesome care for all Americans, plain and simple. We can debate the fine print later. Maybe Captain America can be the mascot for Americare. We already have the themed band-aids.

2. Swede-ish Care

The country of Sweden has a model healthcare system, and ours wouldn’t be an exact replica but emulate the best parts, hence Swede-ish. Sure, we could also call it Canadish or Frenchish Care, but that’s not as fun to say. Plus, putting Swedish in front of anything makes it 200% more lovable. Swedish meatballs. Swedish massage. Swedish supermodel.

3. Pro-Living Plan

Conservatives seem to care greatly about you as a fetus, but not so much about your health and wellbeing once you’re living and breathing on your own. The Pro-Living Plan puts post-birth fetuses at the forefront, ensuring they get affordable care to keep on living well past birth. Plus, we can accuse detractors of being “anti-living.”

Brand strategist. Binge traveler. World's Least Annoying Millennial.

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